Never Supposed to Happen
by ohcurliehair
Summary: A sudden intake of breath and he tore his eyes away from her. A shot at Cal and Gillian's history.
1. Then suddenly it all changed

OK, so I've read a few stories about Cal & Gillian's past and I thought hey, why not write one myself? :) So here's my view on how things may have potentially 'gone down.' Just a quick note so you understand where I'm coming from with the characters. I always imagined Cal being kind of arrogant and self confident at college while Gillian was always the 'goody two shoes' perfectionist type :) I know they are major stereotypes but meh. So now I'll stop blabbering and let you all read (but not before I quickly mention how I so don't own Lie to Me).

***

He was arrogant, that was for sure. The way he sat at the back of the class, like he owned the room. No effort was required by him, he just sat there in a smug silence. God, how he angered her. She would study her arse off and he would be up all night drinking, playing poker and getting laid. But still he managed to beat her in all their exams, in every test, every practical. How he did it was beyond her. He was a genius that was for sure. Shame he knew it.

***

She always sat at the front of the class, was always on time, always stayed after class to ask questions. She would always raise her hand to answer questions, always listen politely, always handed every project in on time. She would ace every test, a straight A student. It drove him crazy. Who the hell had the right to be that perfect? Yet he still could stop himself from looking at her, thinking about her. She intrigued him. He slumped further into his seat. What made her strive for such perfection?

***

She heard the lecturer mention a group project and sighed. She hated group projects. She always got lumped with some other students who didn't care or didn't put any effort in. And then she would be left doing the whole project herself. She tuned back into to what her lecturer was saying.

'...and to minimise complaints I'm going to be choosing the partner you will be working on the project with. So...' He looked down at the sheet of paper in front of him, 'Cal Lightman, you will be working with Gillian Anderson.'

'Dammit,' she thought to herself,' out of the 30 students in the class I had to end up with that arrogant, over confident...' she stopped herself. As much as she despised him, maybe this could be a good thing. He was the top of the class so even if he didn't put much effort in at least they should get a relatively good mark. She turned in her seat to see him gazing at her, a strange expression on his face.

***

He heard the lecturer say his name. And naturally it had to be followed by her name. He sighed. Of course he had to end up partnering the goody-goody, over achiever, perfectionist. 'On the up side,' he thought to himself, 'at least she will be willing to do most the work.'

'And it will give me a chance to work out what makes her tick.' He added as an afterthought.

This infatuation frustrated Cal. He wasn't used to feeling this way about anyone, let alone a nerdy girl like Gillian Anderson. Usually he met a girl, used his charm, went to bed with her and woke up the next morning never to speak to her again. That was the way he operated. He never gave them any afterthought and they never called him back. Everyone on campus knew what he was like and any girl that chose to hook up with him knew how it worked. But now here he was, stuck working with a girl who was the polar opposite to those he usually socialised with. Yet he was glad. Glad that his name was called with hers.

A look of annoyance, with himself, flashed over his face.

***

Annoyance. That's what it was. He was annoyed. And clearly it was about having to be her partner. 'Well he's just going to have to grow up and get over it,' she thought. She knew the reputation he had. He was usually seen around young, attractive girls. Usually ones with massive breasts. Well now he was going to have to be seen with her. She decided then and there to not let Cal Lightman get to her. If he didn't contribute to the project in any way, fine. If he chose to ignore her, fine. And if he spent the whole time mocking her or using his sarcasm, then that was fine too.

***

He slowly stood up and walked up to her. Everyone around him was chatting to their partners, swapping contact details and ideas. When he reached her desk she motioned to a spare seat she had pulled over. He just looked at her. The words 'thanks' and 'you're welcome' silently passed between them.

'So...have you had any ideas what you want to do this project on?' he begun.

'Well I've kind of started it already,' she said looking down, clearly embarrassed.

She tried to justify herself.

'No one else does any work when I'm in a group with them so I just usually do the whole thing myself.

He felt strangely defensive.

'Well I'm not like everyone else am I?'

They stared at each other for a moment before she chose to reply.

'Look. I know who you are and I know what you're like. So I'm just going to give you the opportunity now. I will do this whole project myself, put both our names on it and you don't have to be seen with me and I don't have to put up with any of your shit.'

He began to grin, and a slightly smug look appearing on his face.

'Well love, seems you've got me figured all out then haven't you?'

Her eyes opened in surprise at his use of the term 'love'. How dare he use that condescending term on her?

He continued.

'Look. Believe what you want but I plan to actually put some effort into this project. So are we going to do this or not? Cos I've got a poker game that starts at 5 and I can't be late.'

She rolled her eyes.

'Fine, I'm in.'

***

For the next two weeks they caught up to work on the project whenever they could. For some reason he felt at ease when he was around her. Whenever he was with his mates he felt this need to talk himself, and his exploits, up. All they ever did was brag about who had done who, usually while drinking beer and trying to psych each other out in a poker match. Whenever he was around the latest girl he had picked up he felt the need to perform. He would put on this mask, changing from one Cal to a completely different one. This Cal was a smooth operator. Always said the right thing, knew how to work them to get what he wanted. But when he was with Gillian Anderson he was Cal Lightman. The true Cal Lightman.

His whole life was an act. He knew it, and she knew it. He didn't know whether that pleased him or unnerved him. No one had ever seen that side to him before. He hadn't let them. He kept his emotions well hidden, an art he had spent many years perfecting. Yet she seemed to be able to read him still. Know what he was thinking and feeling without him even showing that emotion or speaking those words. They could have entire conversations by just looking at each other.

Then suddenly it all changed.

They had gotten into one of those conversations without words. And as he looked into her eyes he realised something. She had the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen. The clearest blue and so deep they looked like they truly were the window to her soul.

A sudden intake of breath and he tore his eye away from her. Never could he look into those eyes again without feeling something that he was never supposed to feel. Because this was never supposed to happen.


	2. Just barely

blah blah don't own Lie to Me. meh

***

He knew it wasn't love, or even lust. It was something different altogether. But he still wanted her. Not as another exploit but as something far more. He wanted to be with her, every second of the day, wanted to know what her skin felt like, what it would be like to cuddle up to her. And Cal Lightman wasn't a cuddly sought of man.

'Um Cal?'

Her voice tore him away from his thoughts.

'Uh, yeah, sorry. Where were we again?' he said while running his fingers through his hair.

She loved it when he did that, when he combed his fingers through his hair. She wondered what it would feel like if she got that chance. She shook her head. 'What the hell is wrong with me?' she thought.

This had been happening more and more often lately. These thoughts would crop up into her head, without any warning. What it would be like to run her fingers through his hair, what it would be like to touch his skin, what it would be like to hold him. It angered her. She promised herself from the start that she wouldn't let him get to her. Mind you, she wasn't thinking he would get to her in this way.

There was just something about him. No man had ever looked at her in that way or been able to understand her better. But even more than just that, they were able to speak by just looking at each other. She could sit there and stare into his eyes for hours without it ever becoming awkward. Well that was until recently. Now every time she looked at him, he was reluctant to look into her eyes. He shied away from it, staring at her for just seconds rather than minutes at a time. Something had changed, she knew it. She just didn't know what.

She saw him looking at her curiously; clearly wondering what she was deep in thought about. But like usual, as soon as she made eye contact, he broke it. She continued from where she was before.

'So, we're basically almost finished. Just need to write the conclusion and then edit it a couple of times,' she looked up at him, waiting to see relief on his face.

What she saw, like usual, was nothing. His face was blank.

***

He was supposed to feel relieved. A couple more days and he would never have to talk to her again; never have to make an effort. But instead he felt disappointment.

'Why?' he thought angrily to himself, 'Why does she have to get under my skin?'

He knew he had to get out of there. He was good at hiding emotions, making his face blank, but it was only a matter of time before she worked out what was going on.

'Ok, well I'll write the conclusion and email it to you,' he said as he quickly stood up, grabbing his jacket in one swift movement.

He heard a voice behind him, her tone clearly annoyed.

'Fine.'

He made it back to his dorm room in one piece. Just barely though.


	3. Pyjamas

heyaaaa :) so I've been updating a lot with this story lately but this chapter will be the last for a little while until i come back from my holiday. sorry :) reviews are love. don't own Lie to Me.

***

It was nine at night as he slowly walked through campus, the finished conclusion in his hand.

'Dammit, what the hell am I doing?' he thought, but his legs just kept moving in the one general direction. Towards _her_ dorm room.

He reached it and hesitated. What happens if she had company?

He let out a small laugh.

'Why would she have company?' he thought before immediately feeling guilty.

He shook his head. Guilt was another emotion he wasn't use to feeling.

He knocked on her door and waited. He could hear movement on the other side and it was several minutes before she finally opened the door. Her hair was tied messily in a ponytail and she was wearing glasses that were sitting crooked on her nose. She was in her pyjamas but she was still one of the most amazing looking women Cal had ever seen. He swallowed hard. Oh, he was in deep.

'Cal. What are you doing here?'

She was looking at him curiously, the deep swallow had not gone unnoticed. He had to get a grip.

'I finished the conclusion and thought I might come over and help with the editing.'

***

She looked at him as he smiled his lopsided grin, a hint of smugness hidden underneath. She felt her heart flutter. He had come all the way to help her with editing. On a Friday night. She suddenly felt very silly in her pyjamas.

'Sure, thanks, I could definitely use the help. Come in.'

She stepped aside, allowing him to pass. As he took a few steps, passing the threshold, his arm brushed against her shoulder. She couldn't help but let out a sigh with his touch.

'Um, are you ok Gillian?'

She quickly looked away, clearly embarrassed.

'Yeah. Fine. Just a bit tired that's all.'

She closed the door behind her and followed him over to the couch where all her papers was scattered.

'Do you want a drink or anything?'

'Nah, I'm fine. But if you're tired I'll just go and we can work on this later.'

There was no way she was going to let him go now.

'No, no that's fine. Everything's here. Just give me a second to do something and I'll be right back.'

She rushed towards her bathroom. Firmly shutting the door behind her she leant against it, taking a few deep breaths.

***

He saw her rush towards the bathroom and couldn't help but smile. She was a weird woman, that one. But as much as he wanted to deny it, there was something different about that night. Something about the drive he felt to visit her, something about the slight touch they had shared earlier and something about the nervousness which was clearly present between them. Usually so comfortable with each other, it felt out of place, like the elephant in the room. He knew he had been acting strange lately but they had still felt comfort in being with each other. He brushed his fingers through his hair. And what was with those pyjamas? Why did he find them so god damn adorable? They were just pyjamas right? Just pink, frilly pyjamas with the cutest little elephants on them. Oh, he really was losing it now. He had to get out, had to leave. When the going got tough with Cal Lightman, Cal Lightman got going.

He stood, looking for paper to leave her a note as he heard the bathroom door open and saw her come out. She was still wearing the pyjamas, but had fixed her hair so it was now falling in nice waves around her shoulders. He shivered slightly. He definitely needed to get out of there.

'Gillian, hey, I'm so sorry. I just realised I've got like a million things to do. But we'll catch up in the next couple of days for the final checks, ok?'

He turned and started walking towards the door.

'Hold it Cal Lightman. You're not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on. You've been acting strange for a week now. What have I done, what's changed? I know I don't know you all that well but...the last few weeks...I thought...' she trailed off.

He turned to face her, desperate for her not to push any further.

'Nothing. Nothing's wrong and you've done nothing.'

He turned away once more, making a beeline for the door. But she was more persistent than that. Before he could even register what was happening she had made it to the door before him and was blocking his path.

'No way. No way are you getting away with that feeble excuse. Cal, just tell me.'

She took a step forward and placed her hand on his shoulder. He felt the warmth seep through him at her touch. He had to get out. Now.

He pulled her arm away from his and shoved her out of the way. He could see the shock register on her face and felt triumph. He strode towards the door only to feel a tug on his arm as she pulled him around.

'Hell no. You did not just do that to me.'

He couldn't take it anymore. And before she could register anything his lips were on hers. The passion was pouring out, he couldn't hold it in any longer. She felt it in his kiss, in his touch. She responded, finally letting everything she felt pour back into him. By this time, he had her against the wall, the kiss going deeper. His tongue was in her mouth, her's was responding. It wasn't until both required oxygen that they pulled apart.

'Shit,' came the response from Cal.

He took a step back.

'This was never supposed to happen.'

She couldn't help but look offended.

'What? Because I'm not good enough for the infamous Cal Lightman? Not pretty enough? Not intriguing enough?'

He looked up at her, she was looking away, clearly ashamed. He took a step forward again, to close the distance between them and lifted her chin with his finger.

'Definitely not because of any of those reasons, love.'

She looked up at him in surprise. He hadn't called her love for weeks now.

'While I will admit you're not usually my type, you definitely are pretty and intriguing enough. Trust me.'

She smiled. In his eyes, her smile was the most beautiful thing in the world. He hesitated, wanting to pull her close to him. 'What the hell,' he thought as he wrapped his arms around her, revelling in the fact that he could do so without worrying if she felt the same. Because if that kiss was anything to go by, she definitely felt something.


	4. Before she knew it

I'm backkkkkkk :) And I missed everyone (in all seriousness I was like hmmm I wonder what's happening on fanfiction. Oh i really am sad :) ) Sorry it took so long to upload. The site wouldn't let me upload my next chapter, but finally, it's here :) Don't own Lie to Me.

***

Cal Lightman was a man of very few words. But when he found something worthy to say he definitely meant it. So when she asked him one day what they were doing and whether it was turning into something more serious, his answer was truthful.

'Let's do this, love.'

To her, that was all she needed and all she wanted to hear. She gave him a quick kiss before cuddling back up to him on the couch. They were watching some horror flick but the heroine being attacked by some lame zombies was the last thing on Gillian's mind.

***

They went on like this for weeks. She had never been so happy with someone, so comfortable. It was as if the old cliché was true, she felt as if she had known him her whole life. As she walked through campus with him, hand and hand she thought how she could be like this, with him, forever.

***

He loved her. There was no doubt in his mind. But that was just the problem. His mind. It was screaming to leave, to run while he could. It screamed no to get too close, not to let her get too attached. He wasn't good enough for her, that he was just going to break her heart. He could shut out those things most of the time but the problem was that most of them were true. How could he ever live up to the expectations of someone as beautiful and perfect as Gillian Anderson?

***

She smiled at him across the table and watched him smile back. God she loved his smile. She knew she could easily spend the rest of her life with him.

***

He could easily spend the rest of his life with her. But of course, in true Cal Lightman style, he ruined just about the only good thing in his life.

'I can't do this.'

They were snuggled under a blanket in front of the TV, five minutes into, as Cal would call it 'some brain numbing girly movie'. She watched as he scooted backwards, creating space between them.

'What? Watch this movie? Look Cal, it's really not that bad. You see this guy here, well he's...'

She was cut off as Cal continued.

'No this. Us.'

He pointed to the both of them, as if to accentuate the point.

She reached out to grab his hand but he flinched away from her.

'What? What are you talking about Cal?'

She looked at him as tears began to form in her eyes. He had to be joking right?

'I'm so sorry love.'

And before she knew it, he was gone.


	5. One stupid mistake

Lie to Me was all my idea. There you all go, now you have the truth :) haha. No, just kidding. Don't own Lie to Me.

***

A mistake. One stupid mistake was all it took to screw up his entire life. How many times had he done this before? Trust it to be this time that actually counted. As he saw her mouth move, forming the words he never expected to hear at this point in his life, he thought back to the decisions he had made in the last few days that had changed it all. Shame the one person he had relied on to guide him in making the right ones was the reason why he had made the decisions in the first place.

***

_A few weeks earlier:_

'I'm so sorry love.'

Those few words could have meant anything to anybody. But as Cal said them to Gillian Anderson, the only person he had ever loved and truly cared for, he knew what they meant to her. It meant she had been right all along about her doubts and her worries. About wondering if he was ever going to fall back to his old ways, if he was right for her. He hated proving that she was right about all those things but he knew if he hung on any longer he would never be able to leave. And while that may not be a problem for her, he was programmed differently. Programmed to keep everyone at bay, to hide his emotions. He wasn't programmed for all that lovey-dovey stuff and all the things that went with that territory.

As soon as he saw her face crumble, he left. He had clearly gotten his point across, and his self preservation gene kicked in, telling him to leave immediately. As he walked out of her dorm he felt lost. He scrubbed his hands over his face, walked a few steps one way, stopped, turned, started walking in the other direction before stopping again. He knew that in his state there was only one thing he could do. Revert back to his old ways.

***

By 1am the party had really stepped up a notch. The boys were in the corner playing an intense match of poker while the girls were so drunk they were more than willing to dance around the dorm half naked. One girl in particular had caught his attention. He hadn't seen her before but quickly found out she was studying law. She had flowing brown hair and a mischievous sparkle in her eye. 'Just the kind of girl I like,' Cal thought. He went to take a step towards her but haltered. Was it really wise to just go back to the way things were before? Before he had, he swallowed hard, fallen in love? He fell onto the sofa and sunk down into the cushions. He risked another glance in her direction and she smirked at him, lowering her eyes. 'She's beautiful, there's no doubt about it, however she doesn't even compare to...' he thought, stopping himself from continuing that thought. He didn't need to be thinking those things; he was supposed to be getting past her.

In that moment he made a decision. He could sit there and wallow in his own misery, which was another thing Cal Lightman didn't do, or her could live it up and get back to having some fun. He chose the latter, so he stood up and strode over to her. Soon they were chatting animatedly, laughing uncontrollably at the stupidest things. He would say something witty, she would bat her eyelashes. But soon talking turned to flirting, flirting turned to kissing, kissing turned to touching and before he knew it they were doing _that_ dance.

He woke up the next morning and groaned. His head felt as if someone was pounding a hammer over and over into his skull. As he rolled over, his hand brushed against a piece of paper. On it was a name and number. Zoe. He chuckled to himself, and winced when the pain in his head increased. 'Not in your lifetime,' he thought, before rolling over and falling back to sleep.

***

It had been exactly two weeks and three days since the party. And two weeks and three days since he lost _her_. Cal thought he had gotten past her, the woman that had stolen his heart, but clearly not. As much as he tried to revert back to how he was before, he couldn't. He was a changed man. When he had slept with Zoe it had felt wrong, like it was cheap. He had never had that feeling before, he was ashamed at his behaviour. 'Guess I've been feeling a lot of unexpected emotions lately,' he thought dryly. Nothing seemed to matter anymore, he was in limbo. What he really wanted was the one thing he could never get back. Gillian Anderson.

He was deep in thought when there was a pounding on his front door. He was already on his sixth beer and the loud noise was an unpleasant distraction. He slowly walked over to the door and unlocked it. It flew open, sending him reeling backwards.

'You bastard.'

He looked up to see Zoe standing in the doorway, an expression on her face which would have been obvious to anyone who had seen her. Anger and fury. He stood there for a moment confused. Why would she be mad? When they had spent the night together he thought she was happy for it to be a one night thing. 'She better not turn into one of those clingy types,' he thought, before straightening up.

'What?'

***

The sound finally travelled to his ears. It took several seconds for his brain to unscramble the soundwaves and turn her words into something coherent.

'I'm pregnant.'


	6. They could never be again

Don't own Lie to Me

***

The knock at the door was a happy interruption. Who she saw on the other side of the door however, left her anything but happy.

'Cal. What are you doing here?'

Her face was drawn and pale. There were dark circles under her eyes and she was slouching. The thing that shocked him the most however, was her eyes. Usually so vibrant, so full of joy and hope, they were lifeless. When he looked into them, he could see nothing. And that scared the hell out of him.

'Gill...'

'Don't. You've lost all right to call me Gill.'

Her stare was hard, it penetrated his soul. Nothing but hatred was there, hatred and anger. And curiously, he noted, a hint of pity.

He reached out to her but she flinched away.

'Can I come in?'

'No.'

'Not even for a moment?'

'No.'

'Are you going to say anything other than no?'

'No.'

He sighed.

'You're being awfully immature about this, you know.'

'Me? I'm the one being immature? I thought you were the one with commitment issues. Like the kid in the candy store, you couldn't just settle for one candy could you? I just couldn't be good enough for you. No, you had to shop around, get a bit of everything. A lick of this, a bit of that. Oh and you had to have a side serving of whore too.'

That shocked him. It wasn't that he hadn't seen Gillian upset before but the ferocity in her voice, and that final sentence. She had changed, had been hardened. And it was all his fault.

'Excuse me? You've lost me now.'

'You don't think I don't listen to the gossip that gets around? Oh, the infamous Cal Lightman is back. Has been released from the strangle hold his girlfriend had on him. He's now free to sleep with anyone he wants. And you were more than happy to do that on the night we broke up weren't you? What was her name? Zoe or something? Well I hope you enjoyed it. Cos you deserve her and she deserves you.'

'Gill...'

It came out as a mere whisper. He swallowed hard, trying to reign in his emotions. He couldn't let his barrier collapse, couldn't afford to.

He took a step forward and she took one back. He took another step forward, she took another step back. They continued this awkward dance until he was fully standing inside her dorm. Her eyes widened in surprise as she realised what he had just done. He turned and firmly shut the door behind him.

'Why?'

It came out as barely a whisper.

'Why do you keep doing this to me Cal? You suck me in and then spit me out whenever you're bored. I...I just...just can't.'

She squeezed her eyes shut, a single tear creating a trail of salty water down her cheek.

'I could ask you the same. Why?'

'Why what?'

'When you first opened the door I saw anger, I saw hatred. Fair enough. But I also saw pity. Why pity?'

That question made her straighten up. She lifted her head slightly and took a step forward to him.

'Cos I pity you. I do Cal. I was always too good for you. I knew that. I knew you would break my heart but still, I gave you the benefit of the doubt. I let you in, yet you were still more than happy to prove I was right all along. I pity you, because you lost me. And now you can never have me back.'

The words sounded so bizarre to his ears. They made him uncomfortable. Uncomfortable because he was the reason that Gillian felt like this. Uncomfortable because he made the usually polite Gillian Anderson speak with such venom in her voice and words. Uncomfortable because he knew that _every_ one of her words rung true with him.

'I hate you Cal. I hate you because you broke my heart. And now it can never be mended.'

He looked into her eyes and saw nothing but sadness there. All the anger, all the hatred was gone. She was hollow again, devoid of any fight. He had lost her for good and there was nothing he could do.

'I just...I just, wanted to tell you something. That was the real reason I came,' he swallowed hard,' I don't know if you heard or not but Zoe...'

'Is knocked up? Has a bun in the oven? Yeah I heard. Are you happy? Soon there will be a little Cal Lightman running around. And everyone knows the world needs another bastard like you.'

He knew she was angry but even those words shocked him. She had always loved kids, always saw them as a beautiful gift to the world. He knew he needed to continue, before he lost his nerve.

'Yeah, well, her Dad found out and so...I guess...we're getting married.'

'Well congrats to you Cal. Is that what you wanted to hear?'

He quickly tried to justify himself. Feeling flustered was something that he was not good at dealing with.

'No...No. I just wanted to let you know. Before you found out through someone else. I thought you deserved...'

He was cut off by Gillian.

'What? The truth? Don't make me laugh. You're all about the truth in theory but as soon as it comes to revealing the truth about the_ real_ you, you can't do it. I've had enough of your truths Cal Lightman. And I don't want to hear them anymore. You can leave now.'

He knew that it was time to go. He didn't have anything else to say, he had no ammo. He turned his back as he heard her say under her breath.

'Oh, and don't bother about inviting me to the wedding. Have a nice life.'

As she saw him exit for the last time she added one more thing quietly, so quiet that it would be impossible for him to hear.

'You bastard, how could I still be in love with you?'

***

As he walked out of her dorm for what he knew would be the last time, he pondered over her first question. Why did he truly come here? To confront Gillian? To tell her about Zoe? Or was he hoping that there was still something there between them, that she would tell him that she would be happy to take him back. That marrying Zoe would be the wrong thing to do. That they could be one again. But he knew they could never be that. He knew that the moment he said those words to Gillian, the moment he said goodbye, that they could never be again. And for that, he would never forgive himself.

***

**Just to confuse everyone I thought I'd put my usual author's note at the end :) People I call on you all for help. Lol. I don't really know where to go next with this so I need all of your opinion. Would you like me to explore the whole Cal/Pentagon issue, even if it is just briefly, or do you want me to skip straight to the awkwardness between Gillian and Cal starting The Lightman Group and how they started working together again? The next chapter is in your hands :) Any advice or opinions would be greatly appreciated. And also while I'm rambling I would like to take the time to thank all of those who read or review this story, or any of my stories really. You guys are the reason I continue to write :)**


	7. I need your help part 1

Heyaaa :) Sorry it's taken so long to upload the next chapter. Work has been more than a little crazy :) Firstly, thank you so much to all those who provided advice or opinions on where I should go next with this story. As I began to write I soon realised that I could combine what everyone wanted, both the Pentagon ordeal and more Callian :) This next chapter will be in several parts as combined, the chapter would be far too long. Ownership of Lie to Me = never.

***

'So that's a yes then?'

It was a loaded question and she knew it.

'A yes to starting the business but to nothing else.'

He raised his eyebrows, questioning her statement.

'And what else could I possibly be referring to, love?'

***

_A month earlier:_

He had screwed up. Big time. Let his emotions dictate the case. Thought he was above the law. He knew what he was doing was wrong but also knew how justice worked. He knew the guy was innocent of the crime he was accused of. But Cal also knew he was guilty of far worst. The problem was that all the Pentagon wanted him for was to simply prove whether a former employee, Gary Ordmanson, had syphoned funds from the Department of Defence into his own accounts or not. It was a simple case. Open and shut really. Cal had asked a few questions, there was very little evidence and he had conclusively deduced that the man was telling the truth, he hadn't stolen any money. But there was still something in his tone, the way he carried himself, the look in his eye. When Cal mentioned certain things, in particular Gary's daughter, during the questioning, a certain look would appear on his face. And he was forever glancing over at the picture of Emily on Cal's desk. Cal had his suspicions but he was forbidden to push. Every interview was recorded and any time Cal remotely tried to bring up the topic he was immediately told to stop by his superiors. But Cal Lightman being Cal Lightman, he continued to push, to dig. Even when Gary was cleared, he began a file on him, collected all the interviews they had had, started asking questions he shouldn't. He soon realised he had to be more discreet. People were beginning to talk, were getting suspicious. He required help and there was only one other person who he trusted enough to work secretly on the case with him. Shame she hated his guts.

***

She had heard rumours about him. Cal Lightman. Had he gone too far this time? Why was he still digging? Was that Gary man really guilty of something? Was it just a cover up on the Pentagon's behalf?

When she was first offered a job at the Pentagon several years ago, she was ecstatic. All her dreams were coming true. Naturally however, the only good thing in her life was ruined as she soon realised that a certain other person had also been offered a job. They had always been one and two. The two best students. Of course he would be offered a job working for the government. He was a powerful ally. But did he have to work in _this_ particular area of the government?

The anger she felt for him was still there but more like a simmering fire in the pit of her stomach. It no longer burned ferociously, on most days she was fine. It was just the odd occasion when she heard his name or happened to see him in the corridor. And of course it had been happening a lot more lately.

As much as she despised Cal however, she did know enough of him to know that if he thought there was a case there, he was probably right. The fact that no one in the Pentagon was taking him seriously surprised her. He _was _the best after all.

***

He paused out the front of her door. Dr Gillian Anderson. That's what the nameplate on her door read. He wondered what would have happened if he hadn't broken up with her, hadn't made that stupid mistake. Would it say Dr Gillian Lightman?

'You're married now Cal, can't be thinking things like that,' Cal thought to himself. He knocked briskly on the door before quickly opening it, peering his head through the gap.

'Hey.'

Gillian looked up in surprise. She recognised that voice; it was seared in her brain. Cal.

'What are you doing here?'

He cleared his throat, planning his next move.

'Just thought I'd pop in, see what's been happening to you. Haven't spoken in years now.'

She snorted a laugh and shook her head.

'Well, I wonder whose fault that was. And you didn't just come here to see what's been happening with me. What do you want?'

Damn, she was perceptive. He figured he might as well get straight to the point.

'I need your help.'

***

She couldn't believe her own ears. He wanted _her_ help? She let out a laugh, but it was anything but friendly.

'You're joking, right Cal?'

'Listen, no one believes me. It's this Gary Ordmanson case. I know he was cleared of the money syphoning, but there's something more. Something he's hiding, something that's not quite right.'

'And what could he possibly be hiding Cal?'

'It's something to do with his daughter. I just...I just don't know what. I can't seem...' he paused, embarrassed at what he was going to say next, 'I can't seem to get an accurate read on him.'

This time she laughed loudly, it echoed around the silent room.

'Cal Lightman, lie extraordinaire, can't read someone? That's a joke,' she caught an expression of shame pass over his face, just briefly, 'Wait, it's not is it? You honestly can't read him properly.'

She considered this for a moment. As much as she still despised him, she knew his ability to find the truth, to detect lies, was everything to him. Well, besides his daughter.

She softened, even if it was just slightly.

'Ok, fine. What do you want me to do about it?'


	8. I need your help part 2

hmmm, don't own Lie to Me

***

She almost laughed when he said he needed her to help him investigate the case. The whole of the Pentagon already thought he was crazy, why would she risk her job to help _him_, of all people? So the answer was easy.

'No.'

'But Gillian...'

'No Cal. I don't have the time, nor the energy. And that's just to deal with you, let alone the amount I'll need to use to focus on the case.'

He couldn't help but feel slightly hurt by her comment, though he hid it well.

'Ok fine. I'll just come out and say it. I think he's abusing his daughter. Whether physically, emotionally... or some other way, I strongly believe that's what's happening. And every time I see him I can't help but thinking, what happened if Emily was in that situation? It makes me sick to think it. Will you help me now?'

'Cal...'

'Come on Gillian. Please, love.'

She drew in an audible breath. He hadn't called her love in years. No one had. And just as she was beginning to soften, to think that she might just give in to him, that one little word felt like a slap in the face. How dare he call her that? He couldn't treat her like he did, like he has, and then think it's fine to go back and use terms of endearment with her. Especially that one. She paused for one more second, musing over the fact that all it took was that one simple word to screw up all the ground that Cal Lightman had made today.

'Definitely no. Now get out of my office.'

He saw the change in her demeanour and frowned. What had he done now to get her so angry? He thought he had changed her mind, he saw that she had begun to soften. He turned and walk out of her office replaying the conversation. But no matter how much he thought about it, he couldn't figure out what had happened. All he knew was it was time to call in the big guns. He needed Gillian's help and there was only one person he knew she would do it for.

***

She heard the giggling sounds and knew who was coming. It didn't happen often but occasionally they would walk past her office and she would get a glimpse of Cal Lightman's daughter, Emily. She thought back to the first time she saw her. She had looked up, hoping it was one of her colleagues bringing her some papers on the latest case she was working. Instead she had seen Zoe walking past, holding the hand of an adorable young child. Zoe hadn't seen her but she had caught the eye of Emily. She supposed she should have looked away straight away, pretended she had never seen them, but she was curious. She had wondered if that could have ever been her. Visiting Cal in the office with their daughter. She had seen a smile form on the little girl's face and Gillian had smiled back. Just before Zoe turned the corner, Emily had turned around and raised her hand to wave at Gillian, before turning back and continuing towards Cal's office. Ever since that first time they had seen each other, Emily had continued with the tradition. She would smile and wave, and on the odd occasion, would cheekily poke her tongue out. Gillian couldn't help but reciprocate.

So as she heard the noise growing closer she knew it was Emily Lightman. She expected Zoe to be at her side, so she pretended to busy herself in her work. She would wait until there was no chance Zoe was looking at her before catching Emily's eye. When the noise stopped she risked a quick glance. What she saw was far from what she expected. Cal was standing at her door, holding Emily's hand. Even though he saw her glance up, he gently knocked on her door.

'I know you're probably busy but I wanted to introduce you to someone. Gillian Foster, this is Emily Lightman.'

***

He couldn't help but smirk when he saw the surprised look on her face. He knew perfectly well that Gillian knew who his daughter was, in fact that was one of the many reasons why he and Zoe would fight so often. He thought back to the conversation they had had earlier this morning. It mirrored so many of the ones they had had recently.

'Cal, you know I don't like taking Emily into your work.'

'So what, you're just going to ban me from her. Is that it?'

'No, you know that's not what I mean. I don't like her...interacting...with some of the people that work there.'

'Oh, so this is about Gillian is it?'

'NO! I never said her name. But trust you to bring her name up.'

'Oh, don't be so immature Zoe. They've never even met before. You don't have to feel so threatened by Gillian all the time.

'Threatened? Don't make me laugh Cal.'

'You've told me before. You don't like the way that Emily smiles and waves at Gillian. And the fact that Gillian smiles and waves back. Sounds like you're threatened to me.'

It had ended like it usually did, with Zoe storming out the door in a huff, exclaiming that she was going to be late for work.

As he refocussed on what was going on around him, he noticed that Emily had left his side and had walked over to Gillian.

'Hi Gillian.'

'Hi Emily.'

As the young girl looked around Gillian's office, Cal noticed the jar of candy on Gillian's desk caught her eye. He smiled. No form of sweets could ever get past his daughter's eye.

Gillian also noticed Emily's sudden interest with the particular spot on her desk that held the lolly jar.

'Would you like a lolly?'

'Yes please.'

Gillian reached in and grabbed a piece, passing it to the young girl.

'These are my favourites, but I'm more than happy to share with you.' She winked at Emily as the young girl shoved the entire thing in her mouth.

Gillian couldn't help but laugh. However, what happened next caught both Cal and Gillian off guard. Emily climbed on to Gillian's lap and wrapped her arms around the woman.

'Thanks Gilly.'

Gillian felt something catch in her throat. She panicked, knowing the last thing she wanted to do was form a connection with Cal's daughter. But she knew it was too late.

***

Cal could see they had a bond and was pleased. It meant that his plan could be executed much more smoothly. But, if he opened up to himself, it was more than that.

'Seeing Gillian with Emily, them both smiling...'Cal thought before stopping himself mid-sentence. He couldn't make this appear anymore than it was, he couldn't afford to.

He glanced over to see Gillian and Emily chatting animatedly about something. Showtime.

'Gillian, do you mind looking after Emily for five minutes? I just remembered this urgent phone call I have to make.'

He knew the answer before it had even left her lips.

'Of course Cal.'

He walked over to Emily, placing a kiss on her forehead and whispered softly in her ear.

'Remember the plan honey.'

***

Gillian knew she should have probably said no to Cal, and she could have if it wasn't for the beautiful girl sitting on her lap. How could she possibly turn down spending time with someone as wonderful as Emily? Once Cal had left, Emily's eyes probed Gillian for a few moments before she started to speak.

'So Gilly, how long have you known my dad?'

Awkward silence.

'Umm, a few years now. We met in college.'

'Ohhhhhh.'

'Ohhh, what?'

'You're that woman he always calls a genius. The one he met in college.'

Gillian blushed, feeling embarrassed.

'I don't know about that, but we were...friends.'

'Are you still friends?'

Good questions. How was she supposed to explain something as complicated as that to a young child when she didn't even know the answer herself? She sighed. Probably best to twist the truth, just slightly.

'Yeah we kind of are. We just don't see each other much anymore, with work and everything.'

'Dad said that you're working on a case together now.'

The warning bells went off in her head. Where the hell was this going? And what had Cal told his daughter? Something wasn't right, she knew that much. But when she looked into Emily's face all she could see was a child's innocence.

'He said what?' she laughed, hoping to lighten the mood, 'Oh sweetie. We're not actually working on a case, he just asked me to. But I'm so busy at the moment I just don't have time.'

Gillian figured it was best to stick to the half truths. Or more like quarter truths.

'But Dad said it was important. That he trusts no one else but you. And that it involves another kid. I think you should help him Gilly.'

She was taken aback by that. How could she possibly say no and justify it?

'I don't know if that's the best idea Em.'

'Why not? My parents always tell me that if I get the chance to help someone that I should do whatever it takes to do that. You have the chance to help someone. Please say yes Gilly.'

She implored Gillian with her big brown eyes.

Gillian knew she was trapped. There was no way she could say no. And she couldn't help but think she knew who was behind this desperate plea.

'Ok Em, for you, _and you only_, I'll do it.'


	9. I need your help part 3

I just bought all ownership rights to Lie to Me. Nah just kidding. Yeah, I know I'm lame. Enjoy :)

***

Cal waited about 15 minutes before he walked back towards Gillian's office. As he approached the door he could hear talking and giggling coming from inside.

'I hope that's a good sign,' he thought before taking a deep breath and striding into her office.

'Hey, sorry that took so long. So what did I miss?'

Gillian shot him a look that told him he had been found out.

'We were just discussing Emily's favourite TV show.'

Silence followed that statement. Oh, she knew for sure. And he knew that trouble was headed his way.

'Ok, well thanks for looking after her for me. I just have to drop Em off home and then I'll be back after lunch.'

She said nothing but shot him another look. Translation- 'I'll be waiting and you better be ready.'

Emily gave Gillian one more hug before jumping off her lap. She started heading towards Cal before pausing and walking back to Gillian. She placed a kiss on the surprised woman's cheek and whispered in her ear.

'Thanks Gilly.'

Gillian felt a warm sensation spread throughout her body as Emily walked off.

***

It had been exactly 2 hours and 17 minutes since Cal had left the office to take Emily home. And that warm sensation had definitely passed.

***

It had been exactly 2 hours and 18 minutes since he had left the office to take Em home. He figured the affect of being in Emily's presence would have worn off by now so he braced himself as he knocked on her door.

Something that sounded like 'come in' came from inside her office.

He pushed open the door and stepped inside. He was met with the stony face of Gillian Anderson.

'Ok, look, I know that...'

'Oh Cal, don't even start to speak.'

More silence.

He was waiting for something, anything. Just some sort of reaction from her. But when he tried to read her face he got nothing.

She took a step forward before opening her mouth to speak.

'How dare you drag Emily into our problems? She's a child for God's sake. And you used her!'

Cal tried to justify his actions but Gillian was on a role and there was no stopping her.

'What do you think I am, a fool? Someone that would fall for your stupid plan? Do you think that little of me?'

She was finally silenced by Cal placing a hand on her arm. They both jolted as they felt the electricity pass from his hand to her arm.

'Please let me explain.'

When she looked at his face he had his puppy dog eyes on, the ones he knew she couldn't resist.

'Fine. You've got one minute, starting now.'

'Now hang on, one minute doesn't really seem fair.'

'58 seconds.'

'Ok ok,' Cal held his hands up in defence, ' I only got Emily involved because she always said that she thought you were nice and I knew you had a soft spot for kids. So yes, I did try to manipulate you by using her but that was only because of how important this case is to me. Now you have met Emily maybe you can understand. And while I'm rambling I don't think that you're an easy target or that you're a fool. I wanted you're help because you're incredibly talented and you have a heart of gold. I knew that if you could see the case from my point of view you would want to fight for justice, like I do. Which is the other reason I used Emily. So I suppose I just want to say sorry. Not for using Emily or for trying to get to you through her but for making you feel like I don't respect you or that I think you are stupid. Cos I think you're amazing Gillian.'

That last line caught her off guard.

'17 seconds,' was all she could manage to get out in a small whisper.

'What did you say when Emily asked you to work on the case with me?'

He knew the answer already but wanted to hear it from her lips.

'I said yes.'

'And does that offer still stand?'

She sighed, finally coming back to reality and getting over the shock of being called amazing by Cal Lightman.

'I don't know.'

'Come on Gill. You know me. You know what this means to me. You know what it will mean for that bastard's daughter. All that is necessary for _**evil**_ to triumph is for _**good men to do nothing.'**_

He knew he had got her by using her favourite quote.

'Firstly, don't ever call me Gill again. You still don't have that right. Secondly,' she couldn't believe she was about to say this, 'fine, I'll do it. But there will be conditions and you will follow them.'

She looked at him sternly, reiterating the fact that all of them would be non-negotiable.

'Fine, that's absolutely fine Gillian.'

***

She wasn't kidding when she said she had conditions. The list was quite extensive. Most of them he quickly agreed to but others he wasn't so sure.

'Do we really have to communicate by email? Can't I just walk into your office, sit on your couch and we could discuss the case like normal people?'

'No Cal. You can't do that. The reason why? Because you annoy me enough already. Minimising contact will minimise the risk of me wanting to kill you. And I'm not a fan of those jumpsuits they wear in jail.'

'Fine, email.'

'And one last thing...'

'There's another one?'

'Well now there's another two. Firstly, don't interrupt me, secondly,' she turned and looked at him seriously, 'and this is important Cal, I don't want you reading me.'

He looked at her and couldn't help but feel surprised. He knew she had every right to privacy and it made sense she wouldn't want him knowing any more about her than he had to. But that had always been their thing. They had always been able to converse with each other without words. And now any chance of that occurring was being taken away from him.

'Ok, I understand.'

'No, seriously Cal. I don't want you to just brush this off. We need to draw a line. It can't be crossed. You may see things that relate to me, may see me have a particular reaction to something. But it is no longer your job to ask why. Is that clear?'

'Gillian, please, trust me when I say, this is one condition that, without a doubt, I will keep. I can see how important it is to you.'

'So that means you're just going to ignore the rest of them then.'

It was more of a statement than a question. He stood up grinning.

'Yeah, pretty much.'

She shook her head as he walked out of her office. She wanted to stay mad at him, needed to. She wasn't ready to let go of the past yet. But she could slowly feel her anger fading. His actions today, using Emily to get to her, had all but been forgiven. How was she supposed to stay mad about something like that when it was just because he cared so much? She decided to make a pact with herself. A pact to forget his actions today but to never forget what he did to her in the past. To never forget the pain he caused, the mess he left behind. And a pact never to forgive.


	10. She had made her decision

Another chapter y'all :) Thanks again to all those who have reviewed this story. I really appreciate it. Don't own Lie to Me.

***

He knocked on her door and entered before she even had time to answer. Sitting down on her couch he stared at her for a few moments, allowing her to speak first.

'Cal, you can't just walk into my office. How many times have I told you now?'

Cal looked up into nothingness, scrunching up his face to portray concentration. Counting on his fingers he finally answered, 'I think about 9 times.'

She tilted her head giving him her 'so not impressed look.'

'And Cal, what happened to email. Remember that thing we discussed?'

'Oh, I remember. I just chose to ignore it. Plus, I like coming into your office to discuss the case. It makes it seem much more covert and dangerous, don't you think? All those hushed whispers.' He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

'How do I put up with you?' was all she could retort with.

'My wit and charm makes me irresistible to most. As much as you try, you are drawn to me, I can tell.'

He grinned wickedly at her.

She sighed and leaned back in her chair as she pondered the truth in those words. She couldn't help but feel drawn to him, as dangerous as that was. He was still so much like the man she met in college, all those years ago, yet he had changed. She was yet to tell whether it was change for the good or the worse. There was just something about his charm, his manly stubble, the twinkle in his eye, his sheepish grin... She stopped herself there. She was getting neurotic. It was time to distance herself, slightly.

'Ok Cal, while I enjoy our banter I really must get back to work. There is this thing called paper work that, while you manage to avoid it, I am unable to do so.'

He stood up and walked over to her desk. She rolled her eyes at him. He never really understood the concept of go away. Instead he would always get closer, as if to prove some sort of point that he was beyond the rules. Oh, _what_ a rebel.

'Just reminding you. Are we still going to have that meeting tonight?' he asked in a low voice.

'Sure thing. Now how about moving towards the door. One foot in front of the other, remember?'

He chuckled at her sarcasm and walked out of her office.

***

As he sat in his office, staring off into space, avoiding the paper work she claimed he never had, he couldn't help but miss her. Which was absurd because firstly, he had only just left her office several minutes ago, secondly, she was only a few doors away from him, and thirdly he wasn't supposed to be getting to close to her. He knew that the third point had gone out of the door as soon as she had finally said yes to him. He loved spending time with her, loved making her laugh, loved seeing her smile. And that had begun to cause problems in his marriage. Zoe had become more and more upset and angry. He in turn, had pulled away further, which just angered her more. The fights were becoming more frequent, louder, more hurtful. Emily had begun to cotton on that all was not well in the Lightman household. But no matter how much he knew he should distance himself from Gillian, that if he did that he might be able to get his marriage back on track, he just couldn't seem to. He told himself that it was for the case but deep down he knew that was a lie. Not that the case was unimportant. They had done some digging, talked to a few people and found out that Ordmanson's daughter had been seeing a psychiatrist. A quick chat to her told them nothing, yet everything. She was bound by law to not reveal anything they had talked about in any of their sessions but her facial expressions had said it all. Abuse. So all he and Gillian had to do was find physical evidence to back up what they already knew and the case was theirs. Cal felt a twinge of sadness at the idea that the case may be over soon. He should have felt happy, he had managed to yet again be right and prove his point. But he also knew that when the case ended he would see less of Gillian. And that could never be a good thing.

***

It was 9pm when Cal knocked on Gillian's office door. He saw the light from inside seeping through the cracks and knew she was inside, waiting for him, but decided to wait for an answer.

'Come in.'

He entered and sat down in the chair across from her.

'Got any leads on the girl?'

They had found out that Ordmanson's daughter and another girl always had appointments around the same time. Apparently they had become good friends and both Cal and Gillian figured if they talked to her, she might know something, or at least be able to convince the daughter to speak out.

'Nah nothing yet. I'm been looking for her through a couple of databases, searching her and her parent's name, but haven't been able to find anything. Usually this search works; I don't know what's happened this time.'

Cal stood up and walked over to stand behind her. Leaning down, he squinted, trying to read what was written on the screen.

'Going blind in your old age are we Cal?'

'Hilarious. I can see where you've gone wrong. Hang on.'

He leaned over and placed his arms either side of her, typing on the keyboard. She could feel his breathe on her neck and she let out an involuntary shiver.

'Bit cold, are we?'

She looked up at him, her face inches away from his. Her heart began to beat faster and her breathing quickened. He leant forward, ever so slightly. To anyone else watching, it could have easily been missed, but to her it meant everything. She had a split second to decide. To make a decision between right and wrong, between her desires and what was morally correct.

'The line Cal.'

He pulled back.

She had made her decision.


	11. How easy it was to lie to yourself

Hey guys. Thanks so much to all those who have reviewed and stuck with me so far. I still have a bit more that I would like to explore, including Cal and Gillian working together at the Lightman Group, so I hope you are all happy to see this story continue for a bit longer :) Don't own Lie to Me.

***

They watched the handcuffed man being hauled out of his house.

'I can't believe this.'

'What? That he turned out to be guilty? Why the hell were you helping me if you didn't think he was guilty?

She turned to him, and rolled her eyes.

'Of course I knew he was guilty. It's just the fact that we did this without being fired.'

'Ye of little faith.' He turned to grin at her.

The case was finally closed. They had found the evidence they had needed and Ordmanson's daughter had finally told the police what her father had done to her. It wasn't easy but Gillian had been so wonderful with her. Cal knew she had always been the perfect person to help him with the case. Well, that was the excuse he told himself every time he thought of why he had asked her to work with him. He pondered for a moment about how easy it was to lie to yourself, before turning back to Gillian.

'So how was your date with that Alec bloke last night?'

She rolled her eyes again.

'It's none of your business Cal.'

'Yeah it is. You know he hurts you, he dies. And how am I supposed to know in which way to kill him if I don't know anything about him?'

'Bit overprotective are we?'

He grinned.

'You better believe it.'

She figured she might as well answer his original question. She was dating Alec only so Cal would back off, not that she was ever going to tell him that. She knew that her and Cal had been getting too close and figured the only way he might get the picture was if she started dating someone. She soon realised however that Cal would never get it. And it wasn't because he was naive. It was simply because he didn't want to.

When she had started dating Alec she had dropped subtle hints to Cal, mentioning the occasional date. But if he wasn't going to respond to that in the way she wanted, maybe she would try a different angle. No matter how immature it was.

'Well Cal, you have nothing to worry about. Alec is absolutely wonderful. We have so much in common; in fact it feels like I have known him my whole life. I think he could be _the one_.'

Of course she didn't believe any of that. Alec was nice, but he was far from 'the one'. She had added that last sentence as an afterthought and saw that it had hit the mark. Hurt. The one microexpression that flashed over his face for the briefest of moments. And then he was Cal again and there was nothing.

'Well that's just lovely isn't it? Want to celebrate closing the case?'

She looked at him strangely. That was hardly the words she expected out of his mouth. Well the sarcastic comment she expected, the want to celebrate bit, she didn't. Every nerve in her body screamed no. So naturally, she said yes.

'Sure thing. I'll meet you back in the office in ten minutes.'

He turned back to see police cars drive away. He knew she was deliberately trying to hurt him, to get him to back off. But he wasn't going to let her win. He sighed. Ten whole minutes before he could see her again.

***

He had just stepped out of his parked car, turning to walk towards the elevators, when they stopped him. He knew it couldn't be good.

***

She had started pacing now. Twenty minutes had passed and every second had seemed like an hour. So technically 1200 hours had passed.

She ran her fingers through her usually perfect hair, rumpling it slightly.

'Where the hell is he?' she thought.

***

'What is that?'

'That, Dr Lightman, is our file on you.'

He let that piece of information sink in for a moment before sitting up a little straighter. They were trying to intimidate him but it wouldn't work. There was nothing to worry about. The Pentagon would have a file on everyone.

'Would you like to know what it says?'

'I'm assuming it mentions how wonderfully talented I am?'

The guy, whoever he was, just glared at him.

'No, what it says is that you disobeyed orders. You wasted Pentagon time, money and resources. You ruthlessly followed a lead that barely had any ground. You lied. YOU BROKE THE LAW.'

'But,' Cal started, 'Does it also say that I solved a case that nobody thought was there to start with and saved a little girl from a lifetime of self loathing and pain?'

'This isn't a joke.'

His piercing glare startled the usually composed Cal. There was nothing but hatred there for the infamous Dr Lightman.

It was only then that Cal realised the magnitude of the situation he was in. It wasn't something he could just brush off or the Pentagon could just look past.

'So what happens now?'

***

After 45 minutes she realised he wasn't coming. She didn't quite know why it took her that long to realise that, but she assumed it was because she was listening to her heart rather than her head. But she could no longer tell herself that he had been 'caught up with paper work' or someone had 'cornered him.' He wasn't coming. And that was that.

A single tear rolled down her cheek and she angrily brushed it away. She promised herself she wouldn't shed another tear for that man. He wasn't worth it. Yet here she was, once again, crying because of him.

She turned and strode out of her office. She was angry and it was only when she felt like this that she could truly say what she wanted to. And she was fully prepared to take advantage of that.

***

Fired. One word, five letters. That was it. It was over.

'Of course if you tell us who was working with you, the Pentagon is happy to reduce your punishment. Slightly.'

It didn't take any thinking on Cal's behalf to answer.

'No one. I was working alone.'

Unfortunately they weren't buying that.

'Really? So your sudden closeness to a certain Dr Gillian Anderson just happened out of the blue did it?'

He couldn't help but show a microexpression of surprise at that statement. How did they know he and Gillian were spending more time together?

'What has that got to do with anything?'

They held up another file this time. In Times New Roman on the upper right hand corner were the words Dr Gillian Anderson. They had been keeping tabs on her too.

'Leave her out of this.'

'No can do Dr Lightman. If she was involved we have to know.'

'Well she wasn't. Now excuse me, I have to clear out my office.'

They shook their heads as they walked out.

'You know we'll find out anyway.'

Cal glared at them one last time before beginning to clear out his drawers.

***

'Cal, what are you doing?'

He looked up to see the one person he was hoping to avoid. He had a lot on his mind and he couldn't deal with being fired and talking to her at the same time. He continued emptying his desk and remained silent.

'Answer me.'

He reluctantly looked up, the pain evident in his eyes. The only expression in her eyes was anger.

'I got fired, ok? Happy now?'

Her expression softened slightly.

'What? When did that happen?'

'About 20 minutes ago. So just leave me alone. I need to clean out my office and I can't do it with you hanging around, annoying me.'

'Cal...' She took a step closer to him.

He looked into her eyes and saw that her expression had changed. Now all he saw was sadness.

'Listen, I'm sorry for biting your head off. I'll be fine. It was only a matter of time and I had been thinking about opening up a private firm anyway.'

The last part of that statement was true. Cal _had_ been thinking about opening his own firm, one that would specialise in lie detection. As for the part about being fine, that was far from true.

'Your own firm?'

She sounded surprised which angered him slightly. Did she think he wasn't capable of running his own place? That he was completely incompetent?

'Yes, my own firm.' It came out a little more harshly than he had intended.

She stared at him for a few moments and then turned, heading towards the door.

'Fine. Good luck with it then.'

And then she was gone.


	12. Time to lay all his cards on the table

Oh, the irony. I just posted a small one shot stating how I was having trouble finishing this chapter when it suddenly came to me. lol. So here it finally is :) Disclaimer blah blah boring.

***

'Come on Gillian. Take a risk for once.'

'Take a risk? Are you kidding me? You want me to leave the security of my job, where I work with people I actually like, to start a firm up with _you_, of all people, which could epically fail. That's far more than a risk Cal. That's a death wish.'

He rolled his eyes at her. He had been fired from the Pentagon exactly a week ago. For the first few days he had moped around the house, feeling sorry for himself. What the hell was he supposed to do now? He knew he wanted to start his own firm but how was he supposed to do that on his own? He hardly had the greatest reputation after the Pentagon debacle and he wasn't one to ask for help. After day three of feeling sorry for himself, Zoe had thrown a fit, stating that either he suck it up and act like a man or get the hell out of her house. He decided to go with the first option. After some research and a few business dinners he had started to formulate in his mind how he was going to do it. But he knew he couldn't do it alone. There was one person he needed on board with him.

'Gillian, I promise you, you won't regret this. A private firm. _Our_ own firm. We can do what we want, take what cases we want, hire who we want. We can use the contacts we have already developed from working here to help us to get cases...'

She interrupted him.

'Sure. With your reputation I'm sure many of our contact are _more_ than willing to help the liar who was fired from the Pentagon.'

'So...I'm still taking that as a no then?'

He had been at it for an hour now. He had shown her the reports he had prepared, all he research he had done. There was nothing more he could do. He needed her but clearly she didn't care.

'Gill...' he began.

He stopped after seeing her death stare.

'Oh, sorry. Gillian. Look. I hate admitting this to anyone but it's true in this case. I need you.'

'Sorry?'

She didn't think she had heard correctly. Was that Cal Lightman telling her he needed her?

'Ha ha, mock all you want. But it's true. As much as I hate uttering those words. I really need you for this one. I know I said that about the case we worked on but look at the outcome. We solved it. And I couldn't have really done it without you.'

He looked away, clearly embarrassed by his own confession.

'But Cal, the outcome also included you getting fired. It wasn't all positive.'

'I know. But you know what? I would do it all over again if it meant that we would solve the case again. Nothing should stand in the way of getting to the truth. Not even my job.'

She looked at the man that stood before her. He was indescribable. He could do something so selfless, risk his career, his reputation, to help someone he barely knew, yet only a few years ago he was unable to do the same for her. Had he changed? Or was he all for committing to someone he barely knew but unable to commit to the things that really mattered. Maybe he was just an emotionally distant person and all that he had done was just for the risk, for the thrill of trying to get away with it. Or maybe there was something more to him. She was just so confused and she knew him standing in front of her, using his steely gaze on her, was not helping.

'Look Cal I need to think about this ok? I'm just confused, so you need to give me some space.'

And that's when Cal realised it was time. Time to lay all his cards on the table.

'That's fine. I just need to tell you a few things first. To get them out in the open, ok? I don't need you to respond to them or even acknowledge them if you don't want to. But I need you to hear me out without interruption.'

She looked up at him curiously and followed him to the couch as he settled himself on it.

'Gillian,' he started, his eyes already attempting to penetrate her soul, 'I am so sorry.'

'For what this time?'

'Please don't interrupt.'

She remained silent.

'For being me. For hurting you all those years ago. For continuing to hurt you, even to this day, even without my conscious knowledge. I...I have put you through _so_ much pain, far more than anyone deserves. Yet you always stick by me. You're a truly amazing person...'

Cal paused for a moment, thinking how to explain what he wanted to say, trying to figure out how to express what he felt.

'You're like poker to me. I know I said that I find it boring but that doesn't mean I don't get a thrill every time I think about it, every time I win.'

'So... you're saying I bore you, yet thrill you at the same time?'

'Yes...well no,' Cal let out a frustrated noise at his inability to articulate his own words.

'You're safe, reliable. I know when the going gets tough you will always be there. Zoe...Zoe's like roulette. She's unpredictable, and certainly has the worst odds, so... sometimes I prefer poker. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?'

'That you like to gamble?'

'No, that I like you.'

'Great Cal, you like me. How much time did you spend trying to get to that conclusion?'

'No. I _like_ you. I like being around you, spending time with you. When I'm not with you I miss you, I think about you. I know we can never go back. But I just wanted you to know I have always loved you, I have never stopped loving you and breaking up with you was the biggest mistake of my life. But we all have to live with regrets right? Which is why I don't expect anything in return. I just wanted you to know that.'

Gillian was speechless. She had waited; god knows, how many years for him to say those words to her, but now it was too late. She felt, sad, she decided, at finally hearing them. At finally hearing how he regretted the decisions he had made, at how he was sorry. At how things could have been different if he had simply been able to say them earlier. But now too much had happened, too much had changed. He was married, she was dating other people, the timing wasn't, could never be right. A thousand things ran through her mind as she thought of what to say to him. She wanted to say that it was fine, all was forgiven. She wanted to scream at him for being weak and not being able to say those words earlier. And she definitely wanted to throw her arms around his neck and never let go. But she knew she had to choose what she was to say carefully.

'Thank you.'


	13. I'm in

Cal Lightman gave me Lie to Me as a gift. Ok, no he didn't.

***

'_What_ is that?'

'That, Dr Anderson, is your file. Now be warned, we know you were part of Dr Lightman's plan to solve the Ordmanson case. He might be denying everything but we know. So I would be preparing the best defence possible because the next time we see you, it definitely won't be because of good news.'

She sat there in shock for a few moments after they had left. They knew she was involved. And the last person involved in this case had been fired. Cal. She hadn't spoken to him since that eventful afternoon involving that confession. Like a moment of awakening it suddenly dawned on her what she had to do. What she wanted to do. She picked up the phone.

'Cal? I'm in.'

***

He put down the phone and a massive smile broke out on his face. Unfortunately Zoe chose to walk past at that exact moment.

'Why the hell are you so happy? I'm late for work, I'm trying to get Emily ready for school and I'm not even close to finishing the washing. How about helping for once?'

Cal took a few calming breaths before turning and forcing a smile.

'Sure darling. Anything for you.'

It dripped with sarcasm.

'No, seriously. Why are you so happy?'

'All the pieces are coming together, that's all. That was the person I asked to work with me as a partner in the Lightman Group.'

'I thought I was your partner?'

'You're a silent partner. This person will be working with me on the cases.'

Zoe racked her brains for who it could possibly be. And then it hit her. The reason why that one phone call had made him so happy. 'But he wouldn't, couldn't. Could he?' she thought to herself, 'He wouldn't ask the one person I despise, even if she's the most qualified for the job?' She looked up, bracing herself for an answer she knew she wasn't going to like.

'This partner wouldn't happen to be a certain psychiatrist we both know?'

'The one and only.'

'CAL. HOW THE HELL COULD YOU HIRE HER?'

'Zoe, she's the most qualified for the position. She has talent that isn't being used at the Pentagon. It was the best move for the business.'

'The best move for the business? Or the best move for you?'

'And we're back to petty jealousy. Stop it Zoe.'

As he spoke, she turned her back on him and strode towards the front door, picking up her bag and coat on the way.

'Just remember who your real partner is Cal. And that's me.'

***

'I quit.'

She didn't realise those words could make her feels so happy, so alive. Her boss looked at her in surprise and several microexpressions flashed across his face. Annoyance, disappointment, a sight look of panic. She wondered what the last expression was about but figured it had to do with the fact that he had just lost two of his best employees in two weeks.

'I'll clean out my office and be gone by the end of the day.'

And then she turned and walked out the door, feeling the lightest she had ever felt in years.

***

She was deciding what to do with the hundred and one chocolate wrappers in the bottom of her drawer when he knocked on her door. She looked up to see him standing there, grinning widely. Before she even knew what was happening he had walked over to her and swept her off her feet, hugging her tightly to his chest as he spun her around. He whispered softly in her ear.

'I'm so glad you changed your mind.'

Her face was pressed against his cheek and he could feel her begin to smile. A giggle escaped her lips before he finally set her down.

'Bit excited are we?' she asked, unable to wipe the smile off her face.

'Ecstatic.'

'Well just don't wet yourself with all the excitement.'

'I think my bladder control is good enough to prevent that from happening. Thanks for the concern though.'

Still grinning she turned back and continued to clean out her desk.

'Aren't I supposed to feel upset or something? I just quit my dream job after being threatened by god knows who, for working with you, on a case that wasn't supposed to exist. Sounds like I should be devastated. But for some reason I'm really happy.'

'It's my charm. You can't wait to be around it some more.'

Shaking her head, she placed the last of her belongings in a box and grabbed her bag.

'Well, would you and that so called charm like to accompany me to dinner tonight? I think we have to talk about the business a bit more and finalise a few things.'

Like he was ever going to say no to dinner with Gillian Anderson.

'Sounds good to me. I'll come pick you up at 7 from your place.'

He left her office, shutting the door on the way out. As she looked around she couldn't believe what she was actually doing. But it must have been the right thing because she left her office almost skipping.

***

At 7:05pm the door bell rang. She rushed over to open it. There stood Cal with a bunch of yellow roses in his hands. He held them out to her.

'Celebratory roses.'

'Roses? From you I would have expected a bottle of wine. Or two.'

He reached over and tried to snatch the flowers back.

'I can always take them back. If you're going to act that way.'

She moved the roses so they were out of Cal's reach and welcomed him inside.

'No, no. I love them.'

Quickly walking into the kitchen she filled a vase with water and placed the roses in it. Stepping back to admire them for a second, she couldn't help but feel ridiculously happy. Which was ridiculous in itself because she was taking the biggest risk of her life. And not just by agreeing to take the job. She was risking all of her emotions, and with Cal, also her sanity. Would she be able to work side by side with him every day and not feel something? Would she be able to forgive and forget about the past? Because by agreeing to work with him she could tell that was part of the contract, unspoken as it was. She needed to trust him. And even though she knew Cal would never expect any of that from her, if she was to having a working relationship with him, she expected it from herself.

'You ok?'

She didn't hear him quietly walk up behind her. Smiling, she turned and grabbed her bag.

'I'm great. Let's go.'

***

He escorted her into a cute little Italian restaurant about 5 minutes drive from her house.

'How did you find out about this place?'

'It's one of my many talents.'

They walked up to the maitre d'.

'Table for two under the name of Lightman.'

'Very good. Mrs and Mr Lightman please follow me.'

She felt she should probably clarify the fact that they weren't married when she noticed Cal hadn't said anything either. And there was no way he had missed that comment. Arriving at the table Cal thanked the man and pulled out Gillian's chair for her.

'Your seat _Mrs Lightman_,' he teased.

He saw her face darken.

'Cal. That isn't appropriate and you know it. This is one of the many things we have to talk about.'

'I was just joking.'

'I know. But that line we talked about? The one created for the case we worked on? It still has to exist.'

'Fair enough.'

She could see he was hurt, even though he showed no visible signs of it. She had always been good at reading what was going on underneath it all, underneath all the layers and lies he had.

'Cal.'

'Gillian.'

She stared at him for a moment longer before picking up a menu.

'Let's eat.'

***

'So then I walk into the kitchen and she's found the god damn thing and eaten it all. So Zoe starts screaming at me for not putting it away properly and Emily just sits there giggling hysterically with chocolate smeared all over her face.'

Gillian started laughing and couldn't stop. That only fuelled Cal's laughter and before they knew it they were getting death stares from everyone around them. The evening had been turned around after the initial awkward moment due to good food, good wine and, as much as she hated to admit it, good company.

'Ok, so now you have completely distracted me, we have gone through pretty much everything haven't we? We're going to finalise the purchase of the office spaces tomorrow and we'll start interviews for positions on Monday.'

'Sounds good to me.'

Involuntarily, she yawned.

'Boring you am I?'

She looked up at him apologetically.

'No, sorry. It's just been a long and tiring day.'

'Time to get you home then.'

Cal called for the bill and paid, ignoring all protests from Gillian who claimed she was more than happy to pay for her share. Cal was quick to remind her that he owed her.

'Oh, well in that case keep your phone on at all times. Who knows when I might need you for something.'

'Really?'

Cal leaned forward and raised his eyebrows suggestively.

'Trust you to think dirty. I don't know why I'm even surprised anymore.'

He just smiled his lopsided grin and stood up, guiding her out to the car.

The trip home was in silence, but the comfortable kind. Both knew words weren't always needed to fill in the lull in conversation.

Arriving at Gillian's house a few minutes later, he insisted on walking her to the front door.

'Cal, I'm perfectly capable of opening my front door by myself.'

She knew it was the truth. But she was also secretly glad he had offered.

She finally got the key in the lock and turned to face him. He jammed his hands in his pocket and slouched forward a little further.

'I'm really glad you changed your mind.'

It was barely a whisper but she heard each word as clear as day. Smiling she placed her hand on his chest and looked up at him.

'Me too.'

And with that she turned and walked through her front door.

'Night Cal.'

'Night love.'

Closing the door behind her, she leant against it for a moment. He had called her love. And the best part was she didn't even care.


	14. Nothing left to fight for

heya :) sorry it took me so long to upload this chapter and sorry it's a little short. but i promise to try and make it up to you all with my next chapter. i'm back at uni now (yuck) so finding time to write is a little more difficult. thanks to all of you though, who still take the time to review. cos reviews make my day all that more awesome :) don't own Lie to Me

***

'Morning.'

'You're late.'

Gillian rolled her eyes.

'Wow, you're in a great mood aren't you Cal?'

He took a step forward and tilted his head to the side.

'My mood is perfect thank you. Why are you so late?'

'It's none of your business.'

With that she turned and walked towards her office. He followed closely behind.

'It's that Alec fellow isn't it? You were with him.'

'Not that I should have to tell you but yes, we did have a date last night.'

'And how does that make you late this morning?'

Now he was just teasing. She couldn't help but blush at the true meaning behind the words.

'Cal, don't you have some work to do?'

As soon as he left she breathed a sigh of relief. Talk about an interrogation. Just as she was beginning to think she was safe, he poked his head around the door.

'Oh, forgot to tell you the real reason I sought you out this morning. Need you to look at this video with me.'

Sighing again she stood up and followed him out the door. He led her to the viewing room, grinning the whole way. He did love to tease her. Plus, she had the cutest angry face.

***

As she stood watching the video she thought about the relationship she had with Cal. It was bizarre and far from normal. They loved each other, she was sure of that, but not the conventional type of love. No, it was more of a love that came with being deeply intrigued by someone, by wanting to know everything about them. She certainly couldn't work it out. He annoyed the hell out of her, yet she loved him for it. He was fiercely overprotective, yet she loved him for that too. And he was a complete and utter ass sometimes, yet she couldn't help but love him through all that shit too. His faults were some of his best attributes. Gillian realised how crazy her thoughts sounded and she was a psychiatrist. She was the one who supposed to make sense out of things like that. Then how was it that she seemed even more confused?

'Um, love?'

'Huh?'

He smirked.

'Still thinking about this morning are we?'

She punched him in the arm.

***  
Escape. Freedom. Home. Those were all the words Cal now associated with the Lightman Group. Well, escape and freedom he associated with every place, as long as it didn't involve Zoe. Their marriage was deteriorating. He could see it happening right before his eyes. As the fights grew more frequent, the less he cared. The more he saw her lie to him, the less he cared. And the more time he spent with Gillian, the less he cared. In his subconscious he knew the amount of time he spent with Gillian was one of the contributing factors. Not that he ever blamed her. It was just that Zoe and him had nothing in common anymore, besides Emily. Well, if he was truthful with himself they had certain attributes. Stubbornness, over confidence, the need to always be right. The love of playing the game. But none of these were positive things, none of these were going to help him save his marriage. So he decided to push all the problems to the back of his mind. The day was his escape and the night had become his hell. Light and dark. Gillian and Zoe.

***

Now it was Gillian's turn to get Cal's attention. She decided squeezing his sides was the best option.

'OI! What are you doing?'

'Getting your attention clearly. I _was_ talking you know.'

He smiled apologetically.

'Sorry love. Just got a lot on my mind.'

She had seen him like this more and more lately. He would go into this trance like state, deep in thought. He always put on a front but she could see something was wrong. But she could never quite figure it out. It was like doing a puzzle and then finding out one piece was missing. The puzzle could never be completed. And neither could her conclusions about Cal.

'Want to talk about it?'

'Nah, nothing much to say. I'm fine.'

She raised her eyebrows at him but let it go.

'Well as I was saying, there is a hint of contempt there. But it seems directed towards the Judge which is strange. I think we should look into any relationship they might have.'

'Yeah sure. You and that new guy, whatever his name is, Laker or something, can go.'

'It's Loker, and ok. We'll be back in a couple of hours.'

'Ok.'

She turned and walked out the door, taking the little warmth he had left, with her.

***

'I can't do this anymore.'

'You can't do this? What about me? Jesus Christ Zoe, I come home and get continuously attacked by you for being a bad human being. Is there any quality I possess that you actually like?'

'At the moment? No.'

There stared at each other, each face mirroring the other. Anger, disgust, contempt. And sadness. Sadness at knowing this was it, the final straw. At knowing there is nothing left to fight for, there was no point.

'I'll get one of my friends to draw up the papers.'

'As long as we get joint custody of Emily I'm fine with that.'

'Of course.'

He grabbed the bag he had packed a few days earlier. He knew this moment was imminent, so he had been prepared. As he turned to leave he saw Emily peering around the doorway, her face covered in tears, her eyes red and swollen.

'Daddy?'

She ran into his arms. He hugged her tight, not wanting to let go. Stroking her hair he thought how she was the most important thing in the world to him, and as long as he got to see her still, everything would be ok.

'I'll be back. I promise you I will. I'll never leave you. I love you Em.'

And with that he untangled his arms from his daughter and closed the door behind him.


	15. Two months

You all know I don't own Lie to Me. Why do you have to rub it in? :)

***

The papers had been drawn and signed. It had been easier than he had thought to split everything. To split their former life into two parts. And now it was official. He was no longer part of a marriage. He was simply Cal Lightman, a lone island. One that was slowly sinking as the tide came up higher and higher.

***

'Cal?'

'Hmmm. What?'

His tone projected the annoyance he felt.

'I need your help with this case.'

'Can't you get someone else to help you? I'm busy.'

'I guess.'

'Ok good.'

She closed the door behind her. He hadn't called her love once.

***

She was definitely concerned. He had always given her reasons to worry in the past. He never really thought about his actions, he was more of a doer than a thinker. But she had always had faith in him. Had somehow known he would be alright and would come out the other side safe. But this time, this time she wasn't so sure. It was little things. Like the fact he would wear the same shirt four days in a row. The fact he never called her love anymore. The fact he looked like he hadn't slept in weeks. The fact he practically lived on Scotch and would barely eat. And the fact he hadn't read anyone, hadn't pointed out a microexpression, in two weeks. She looked down at the calendar on her desk. May. She raised her eyebrows in surprise. It hadn't been two weeks, it had been two months. That shocked her. These days, hours rolled into days, days rolled into weeks, weeks rolled into months. She didn't realise it could be so easy to lose track of time. Cal Lightman hadn't read anyone in two months, was that even possible? Cal Lightman uncaring about whether someone lied or told the truth? It was absurd to even think about it. Yet here she was, sitting in her office, mindlessly twirling a pen between her fingers thinking how she had to do something. Had to get the old Cal back. Because the way he was heading, there soon wasn't going to be a Cal at all.

***

'Cal.'

No response.

'Please answer me.'

Still nothing.

She simply touched his arm and he jolted back to reality. It was the first human contact he had felt for 21 days. Everyone had chosen to stay away after he had begun to alienate them. That had happened on day 3.

'Gillian. What do you want?'

'I want you.'

'Well I'm kind of busy right now. Can someone else help?'

'No and no. You're not busy and no one else can help. I want you.'

'Well you can't have me.'

He finally made eye contact with her and there was nothing. His eyes showed her everything he felt. They were blank, just like him.

'Yes I can.'

She saw a glimpse of something after that. It flashed in his eyes briefly before nothing again.

'Come with me.'

'No.'

She pulled him up and he resisted. He body was like a sack of potatoes. So she did the only thing she knew would elicit a response. She kicked him where she knew it would hurt.

'WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? BLOODY HELL GILLIAN ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?'

'No. I'm just trying to get you up. Seems my plan worked.'

He shot her a look of complete and utter contempt.

'Just leave me alone. I don't want you to 'fix me' or make it all better. I want peace and quiet and solitude. Can you do that?'

'No.'

Now he was getting angry.

'You have no right to come into my office. Get out.'

'No.'

If Gillian had learnt anything from knowing Cal it was that standing your ground often worked.

'I want you to look at me Cal. No, look at me.'

She tilted his head so it was impossible for him not to make eye contact with her.

'I want you. Zoe may not. She may have treated you like dirt, may have resented you, told you that you were worth nothing. But I _want_ you. And nothing you can say will change that. I will always care for you, always be here for you and always want you. Do you understand me?'

He stopped resisting and stared at her for a moment, before opening his mouth to speak.

'I love you.'

Those words caught her off guard. She had never heard him actually say them to her. Even when they were dating, he was always distant, always careful with how he worded things, the language he used. She shook her head.

'You heard me,' she heard him say, somewhere in the distance.

She didn't know how to respond. But words weren't needed. She didn't even register what was happening until he had her pinned against the wall. His face was inches from hers; she could feel his breath, see every wrinkle on his tired face. He whispered in her ear, the words tickling her.

'I'm not upset because Zoe and I divorced. Well I am, but we all knew that was where we we're heading. I'm upset because I'm confused. Confused as where to go next with my life, what to do next, how to deal with you.'

She swallowed and she saw his eyes drop to her throat. His eyes lazily flicked over the rest of her body before resting back on her face. She finally managed to get her voice back.

'How to deal with me?'

His eyes penetrated hers, probing her, asking her to think about it. He was silent but she needed him to speak. She took a step back, forgetting there was nowhere to go.

'How to deal with me?' she asked again, this time more forcefully.

'Yes, how to deal with how I feel about you. How to deal with what to do with you. How to deal with not screwing up any chance I may have.'

Her breathing had quickened.

'Any chance of what?'

He leant a little closer.

'Of this.'

His lips were on hers, probing, pushing, trying to gain entry. She was happy to oblige. She let out a moan. What the hell was she doing? And then it was over and it was just her and Cal standing in his office. She saw his mouth moving but it took what seemed like hours for her to process his words.

'I don't want to lose you again.'

There she stood, clothing slightly crumpled, hair askew. She blinked once, twice. Breathed in, then out.

And then she grabbed his shirt and threw him on the couch.

'You won't.'


	16. Beginning to worry

Finally. the next chapter. sorry it takes me so long to update these days. unfortunately you all are much more patient that my lecturers :) blah disclaimer.

***

She looked down at what she was holding in her hands.

Oh god.

***

**A week earlier**

Alec. He was sweet and kind and loving. And she had fallen in love with him. She truly had. At first he was just a bit of harmless fun. And it was definitely beneficial that he made Cal so jealous. But the more time she spent with him, the more she realised she really liked him. They had so much in common, a desire for a happy marriage and a family, a love of Italian food, the fact they both hated sports. So the night he first told her he loved her, she realised she had loved him too. Of course she still cared deeply for Cal, but that was something different all together. So Alec and she had been happy for a while, but as the saying goes 'all good things must come to an end.' He had become secretive and quiet, would show up late to dates and would be gone the next morning without any goodbye. She knew then, it was time to say her goodbye to him. How could she stay with someone who couldn't tell her the truth when finding it was what she did for a living? Then everything happened. Cal happened. His divorce from Zoe hadn't just been hard on him; it had been hard on everyone. She had to work more, which meant even less time with Alec. And the less time she spent with Alec, the more time she spent with Cal. And the more time she spent with Cal, the more she realised seeing him in pain, made her feel pain too. She knew that she wanted to break up with Alec, even before the whole 'Cal thing', but he had just given her more incentive. So as she looked into the eyes of the man standing before her, she knew she had made the right decision to break up with Alec. He had been upset at first but she had a feeling that there was something else. Something else behind his sadness and regret. She thought she saw a hint of guilt but decided to push it out of her mind. It no longer mattered. What mattered was standing before her. And what was standing before her made her the happiest she had felt in a while.

***

Cal poked his head around her door.

'So, my darling, we still on for dinner tonight?'

She looked up from her papers and smiled. Cal noticed it didn't quite reach her eyes.

'Sure thing.'

'Is everything ok?'

He took a step into her office and went to close the door behind him.

'Don't. Don't even think about reading me. I'm fine.'

She took a deep breath and sat up a little straighter. She smiled again, this time it reached her eyes.

'I can't wait for tonight.'

He sighed in relief, more for her benefit than his own. If she thought, he thought everything was fine then she would relax around him. And maybe tell him the true problem.

She noticed he sighed in relief and she held off from doing the same. She had been hiding some uneasiness for a while now but it was difficult thing to do around the man she loved, let alone around the world's leading expert in lie detection. She didn't know what was wrong exactly, but she knew something wasn't..._ right_.

'Ok, I'll see you later then.'

He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

'CAL! Not in the office.'

She couldn't hold back to giggle that escaped her lips though.

***

Something was wrong. He could feel it. Nothing could ever run this smoothly in his life. It was like a Greek Tragedy. Any time it looked like everything was going good, people ended up killing each other. Well, maybe Greek Tragedy was a little extreme, but it was certainly like an episode of The Bold and the Beautiful. He just hoped Gillian and his story would end up more like Cinderella rather than Romeo and Juliet. He wanted to avoid all that killing and suicide if possible.

***

'Just do it,' she thought to herself, 'Stop being such a wimp.'

She reached over to grab it before losing her nerve again and grabbing the pack of tampons next to it. Which was ironic in itself.

Sighing she walked to the counter.

'Just these please.'

***

Cal opened the door with a bang and swept her off her feet.

'Cal!'

Gillian squealed as he spun her around before placing her gently to the ground and kissing her lips.

'Can't I just be happy to see my most amazing, talented and beautiful 'lady friend'?'

She couldn't help but grin at that.

'Oh, so I'm just your 'lady friend' am I?'

'Well, I would use the word girlfriend but I feel a little old for that. But then you do make me feel like a child again, all giggly and annoyingly happy. So I suppose you are my girlfriend then.'

She threw her arms around his neck, nearly knocking him off balance.

'Well, as much as I'm glad that's now clarified, I'm starved so let's have dinner.'

'Can't we have _dessert_ first?'

'Cal!'

'What?! Why do you always assume the worst?'

'Cos you have a dirty mind.'

'Do not.'

'Do so.'

He picked her up and threw her on the couch. His face was inches from her.

'Do not.'

***

'Morning everyone. How are we all today?'

Loker looked up, suspicious.

'Uh good?'

It was more of a question than a statement. He assumed his answer was going to be wrong, regardless of what he said.

'That's great to hear.'

Cal walked off to his office, almost skipping.

Loker lent into speak to Heidi, who was still in a state of shock.

'He soooo got laid last night.'

'Ew, Loker, gross. Only the worst visuals ever. How old are you anyway?'

'Like the lyrics say 'You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the discovery channel.'

She shook her head in disgust.

'Trust that to be your favourite song. And the one that pops into your mind in this situation.'

***

She stared at the calendar on her desk. 6 weeks. She was beginning to worry.

***

Cal walked in to see her staring at her calendar, her brow furred in worry.

'What's wrong love?'

Straight to the point. There was no point dancing around any issue now.

'Huh?'

She looked up, startled by the interruption.

'Nothing's wrong. Sorry, I was just deep in thought.'

'No, there's something wrong. There's been something wrong for a while now. Tell me what it is. Is it me? Are you having second thoughts about us being together?'

Guilt washed over her and she felt her heart drop. How could he even think that?

'No! Of course not. There's not a doubt in my mind about us. I've just been feeling,' she paused, searching for the right words, 'a little off lately. I think I might go to the doctor. It's probably just the flu or something.'

He still looked concerned.

'Seriously Cal. Please don't worry about me.'

She stood up and walked over to him, enveloping him in a hug.

'Of course I worry love. And don't give me this 'it's just a flu thing', cos I know that's not the whole story.'

She quickly responded before he could pull back and see her face.

'Cal, don't read me. I don't know what's wrong but I'm going to find out when I go to the doctors ok?'

'Do you want me to come with you?'

She was starting to get annoyed. It was one thing to be concerned, but another altogether to be incredibly pushy. She took a step back from him.

'Cal, last time I checked I could drive _all by myself_ to the doctors.'

She instantly felt guilt, but hid it from him. She shouldn't be judging him; he was only showing concern for her.

She planted a kiss on his cheek and grabbed her bag.

'In fact I might just pop into the local clinic now. I might have to wait in line for a while but who knows how long I'll have to wait for an appointment with my normal doctor.'

'Ok.'

She strode out the door without glancing back.

***

Once again she stood in _that_ aisle at the supermarket. She couldn't put it off any longer; she knew it wasn't fair to her, or those around her. Cal. He was so caring and loving, full of concern for her well being. And it wasn't fair she treated him like that. The sooner she found out, the sooner things could go back to normal. Her and Cal could go back to normal.

***

Another 30 seconds. She let out a sigh of frustration.

Another 20 seconds. She placed her head in her hands.

Another 10 seconds. She checked the box, just to make sure she had the right instructions.

Another 5 seconds. Why the hell was time going so slowly?

One second.

She looked down. It was positive.


	17. Torn

Sorry it's taken so long to upload! But hopefully the next few chapters should be up quicker as I am on holidays in 2 days (not that i'm counting or anything :)) Thanks to all of you who have stuck with this story. The reviews I get always make my day :) Don't own Lie to Me.

***

She hoped desperately that it was Cal's. Every fibre of her being hoped it was. She saw the doctor go to speak.

'Congratulations! You're two months pregnant.'

Crap.

It meant it wasn't Cal's, could be Cal's, would never be Cal's.

Crap.

She zoned out for the rest of the doctor's spiel. Her whole life she knew she had wanted kids. Had wanted a family. As a young girl she had never really had the support and the love that every child deserved. From that first time her dad had left, completely drunk, and hadn't returned for three days, she was determined to have children when she was older and to love them so fiercely there was no doubt in their minds what she felt for them. She just didn't think it would all happen now. Or with Alec. She thought she would marry a nice man she was madly in love with and they would have two kids, a girl and a boy. She knew it was a fantasy world but she still had a feeling that if she wanted it enough, she would get it. She had wanted to be a psychiatrist more than anything and she had achieved that. She had wanted a job at the Pentagon when she graduated and she had achieved that. But the one thing, the one thing that mattered more than all of that, she knew she was never going to be able to achieve. And it killed her inside.

***

She sat slumped in her office chair, her eyes shut. She was torn. Torn between being ridiculously happy and being completely depressed. She was going to have a baby and that was amazing. However she was going to have it with a man she didn't love. Not so amazing. The thought briefly crossed her mind that she could have the child and support it on her own, no one had to know who the father was. But that wasn't who she was. She had a conscience. And she had a sense of right and wrong. And as much as it pained her to think it, she knew she had to tell Alec. Because he had a right to know his child, to be able to love it and care for it if he wanted. And she wasn't the type of person to just take that right away.

***

Cal walked in and knew instantly that something was wrong.

'Gill? What's happened?'

She glanced up at him, her eyes tired and slightly watery.

'Um nothing. Look I've just got a few errands to run. I'll be back sometime this afternoon.'

She grabbed her bag and walked out of her office before he had time to respond.

'Wait! Just talk to me.'

She paused for just long enough to turn around and produce a very weak attempt at a smile.

'When I get back.'

On the way to her car she made a phone call.

'Alec, hey, it's Gillian. I'm really sorry to disturb you but I'm just wondering if you're free for lunch today? Perfect. I'll see you around 12.'

***

She tapped her fingers impatiently against the table as she waited. He was 15 minutes late. Fifteen long, excruciating minutes of over-analysing, over-thinking everything and everyone. She placed her head in her hands and changed the tapping of her fingers to the tapping of her foot. Well, more like stomping.

She glanced at her watch again. 16 minutes? The watch had to be joking. She breathed a sigh of relief as she finally saw Alec's figure opening the door to the cafe.

'Hey.'

He looked nervous and she didn't blame him. A phone call from the ex, out of the blue, asking to meet for lunch, was never good.

She smiled, trying to lessen the tension in the room.

'How are you?'

He took a seat before answering.

'Yeah, good. How are you?'

She didn't know how to respond to that so she stuck with the generic answer.

'Yeah, I'm fine thanks.'

The silence that followed wasn't the pleasant kind. She desperately tried to think of something to say but at that crucial moment her brain decided to fail her. Had it always been this awkward, this difficult to talk? Or was it just now, now that she had news that weighed so heavily on her, that made it so hard?

'Want to order?'

His voice broke the silence and brought her out of the fog which was her brain.

'Sure.'

***

The waiter took their order and returned a few minutes later with water for both of them.

She could see he was dying to know what was going on but was trying to be polite. Thank god for small miracles because she still had no idea what to say. She had rehearsed it in her mind on the drive over but everything just sounded so stupid. Maybe the direct, honest approach was the best answer.

'So I...how is work?'

Or maybe not.

'Um, ok. Pretty mundane, nothing has really been happening. What about yours?'

'Good. Yeah, it's been good.'

More silence. She couldn't take it anymore.

'Look. You're probably dying to know why I called you this morning.'

'Finally. I have been wondering, and worrying, the whole time.'

Guilt washed over her.

'I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to worry you. It's just... well...'

'Just spit it out Gillian.'

'I'm pregnant. And it's yours.'

The look on his face would be scarred in her brain for the rest of her life. Shock. Pure shock. And panic.

'Are...are...you sure?'

She looked at him apologetically.

'Yeah I am. I'm so sorry. It can only be yours. I just thought you deserved to know.'

'Well, thanks. I appreciate that. Wow, a baby.'

He sat there in shock for a few more seconds before standing up.

'Listen, I'm sorry but I have to go. Go process this all.'

She went to speak, to reach out to him, but he had already dropped some money out the table and was half way out the door before she even had time to articulate her words.

She groaned and placed her head in her hands. That hadn't gone well. She felt a tear slide down her face. And now she had the even harder part. Telling Cal.


	18. Somewhere in the back of her mind

firstly, i am so sorry it took me so long to publish this next chapter. there really isn't any excuse. i hope you guys continue to read and enjoy and don't hate me too much :) don't own Lie to Me.

***

She had meant to tell Cal. She really had. But then he had stood there, before her, with a bunch of roses. Apologising as if _he_ had done something wrong. As if _he_ had something to apologise about. She felt as if she was about to throw up, and it was not the morning sickness. There he stood, the man she loved with all her heart. The man she had somehow betrayed by being pregnant with another man's baby. She knew it wasn't her fault, she couldn't have known she would be pregnant when she had got together with Cal. But she still couldn't help the guilt the seeped into the pit of her stomach. That made her feel as if she was the _worst _person to roam the earth. So as he handed her the bouquet, as he pressed his lips to her forehead, as he told her that everything would be ok, _they_ could get though this together, whatever it was that was wrong. After he had told her again, how much he loved her, she realised she couldn't do it. Not then, not at that moment. She wanted to tell him, wanted to hear him say how they would get through this together, how he could forgive her. And she knew he would say all of those things, no matter how much it hurt him. But there was a part of her brain, a part that told her no man could love her after what she had done. And that was the little voice that was ruling her. So she had held back the tears, pulled him in for another embrace, and told him she thought she had had the flu. As if that was the _real_ problem. He didn't buy it, would never buy it, but he had nodded and smiled. Told her he was glad she wasn't sick. She had politely thanked him. Thank you for being happy for me, _thank you_ for not pushing it any further. He glanced back at her one last time before leaving her alone to her thoughts. The one thing she didn't want to be left alone with.

***

She registered that her phone was ringing, but it was far off, somewhere in the back of her mind. It stopped and she settled back into nothingness, her thoughts far too deep to hear it begin to ring again. It was only after the third time she had ignored her phone that Heidi took the initiative and knocked on Gillian's door.

'Uh, Doctor Anderson?'

She looked up, startled.

'Yes Heidi?'

'Your phone. It's just that it has been ringing constantly and no one has been answering it.'

And as if to prove her point, it began to ring again.

'Oh thanks Heidi. I was just...too caught up in work to register that the phone had been ringing. I'll grab it now.'

She picked up the phone and smiled politely at Heidi. Heidi quickly got the message and left.

'Gillian, it's me.'

Alec's voice.

'What do you want Alec?'

'To apologise. And to talk. Please?'

Closing her eyes, Gillian lent back in her chair. The last thing she wanted to do is _talk_ about the issue. She had been doing enough thinking about it.

'Fine.'

'Meet me at my place at 7? We can have dinner there and discuss everything.'

She agreed and hung up the phone.

Oh, great. Just what she felt like doing.

***

'Hey.'

He greeted her warmly at the door and took her coat.

She looked at him strangely and handed him her coat.

He looked nervous. She didn't know why, didn't really care at that stage. She just put it down to the fact that he was about to father a child.

'Would you like a drink of something? Wine perhaps?'

She looked up at him and frowned.

'I'm pregnant Alec. Can't drink.'

He looked embarrassed and she saw the faintest tinge of pink form on his cheeks.

'Of course. Sorry.'

She couldn't understand it. Why was he so on edge? She felt herself wake up finally, as if she had been in a trance before. The smell of food wafted from the kitchen. There was a lack of lighting in the house. And strangely enough, there were a number of candles strategically placed around the room.

'Come in and take a seat. Dinner will be ready in a few minutes.'

'You cooked?'

She figured they would just order take out. But for him to be cooking then something was _definitely _going down.

'Yeah. Well I figured that was the least I could do after running out on you like I did.'

It was at that moment she saw the man she had fallen in love with, all that time ago. Not that she loved him now like she had back then. But she saw his vulnerability, his soft side. And she saw a man that was trying to do the right thing, in a situation in which that was very difficult thing to achieve. She decided then and there to give him a chance, to try and work out some sort of arrangement. Because god knows it would be better to have him with her, than against her, even if she did have Cal.

Taking a deep breath, she smiled at him warmly and walked into the living room.

'Well thank you. You know how much I love your cooking.'

He seemed to relax a little with that comment and proceeded to the kitchen.

'Take a seat and I'll bring out the food.'

***

The conversation flowed for the next few hours. Gillian was reminded of how easy they used to be able to talk, even before they had started dating. They were yet to discuss the pregnancy but she was reluctant to push it. As much as she knew it was a topic of importance, it was more important to feel comfortable with Alec again. Dessert had just been served when they finally got around to discussing the baby. She went to speak but he cut her off.

'Look. There are just some things I need to say. Is that ok? And then you can speak as much as you want.'

She just smiled and nodded.

'I was an idiot before. The way I reacted, the way I just ran out on you. I never want you to look at me and think that I am that sort of man. Cos I swear Gillian, I'm not.'

She went to open her mouth but he stopped her with his finger.

'Please. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I still love you. I don't think I ever stopped.'

She gasped at this statement, her mind processing his words as quickly as it could. Love. He had used the word love.

'The fact that we are having a baby, that that little thing inside of you is related to me, has my DNA, makes me so happy. Even if at first I didn't realise it.'

He stood up and walked over to her chair.

'And I want our baby to have a mother and a father. A loving home.'

He reached into his pocket.

'And I want _you_ to have a loving home, a husband you can come home to every day.'

He bent down onto one knee.

'Gillian Anderson. Marry me?'


	19. The words that would change everything

Thanks so much to all those who continue to read and review. I just appreciate it so much :) Don't own Lie to Me.

***

No. No, no, no, no, no. Just plain no. This couldn't be happening. Not here, not now. Not ever. But as much as she was screaming no, no to his proposal because she was madly in love with another man, no to spending the rest of her life with him, something stopped her. The realisation that he could provide all those things he promised. That he would be a good father, no a fantastic father, to their child. A thousand memories ran through her head.

Being beaten by her father because she had dropped her glass. His shadow creeping up behind her, catching her off guard. The sound of the belt buckle being unclasped and the movement of fabric as he removed it from around his waist. And the pain, the excruciating pain.

Her mother's tear stained face as she begged that abusive man to stay, not leave. Not to leave her and not to leave _their_ family. Her, hiding in the corner, begging, praying that he would leave. That he would walk out that door and never return. _Never._

The promise she made to herself as she cut pictures out of magazines. The perfect husband, the perfect wife. _The perfect family_, she had written across the page. She had cut out children, two of them and pasted them next to the husband and wife. She had promised herself that one day she would make that dream come true for her. She would be that woman in the picture.

Her father had found that page and ripped it to shreds.

Finally leaving home. Making the mistake of turning back, giving her father one last chance to show that he was human after all. And being repaid by a slap across the face and a snarl to get out and never return.

And after all that, one thought remained. She needed to do what was right by her unborn child. She needed to give that child the chance at being part of that picture, the one with the magazine cut outs. And if that meant sacrificing her own happiness, then so be it.

All of this ran through her head in a split of a second. And the words formed on her lips. The words that would change everything.

'Yes.'

***

He had swept her off her feet and she had heard a squeal in the distance. It took a while before she registered it as her own voice. She felt as if she was two people at once. One was living in the moment. Was happily being hugged by the father of her unborn child. By the man who was about to become her husband. The other one was watching in the distance, detached from the situation. Watching from the sidelines, knowing she was making a mistake but unable to correct it.

She heard herself say that she had to get home, that they would discuss it all later. She heard herself agreeing to have dinner the following night. She heard herself agreeing to not to do too much, to look after herself. But all she could really hear was her agreeing to marry Alec.

She couldn't get out of that house fast enough.

***

She seriously considered not going to work the following day. Having to face Cal? Prefer not to. Lie to his face? Really prefer not to. But then she realised that if she didn't go, it would look even more suspicious. So she plastered a smile on her face, greeted Heidi at reception, waved good morning to Loker and entered her office. To find Cal sitting behind her desk.

'Cal. Morning.'

He just sat there, staring at her.

'Um, is there anything you need?'

He inhaled, and then exhaled.

'For you to speak.'

She sighed, shoulders drooping slightly.

'I know. And I'm so sorry. But can we do this later. Over lunch?'

'No, we can't.'

He stood up and walked over to her, invading her space.

'I can't do this. I made a promise to you. A promise that I would never read you. But it's getting harder and harder to stick to that promise. _You're _making it harder and harder. So right here, right now. You are going to tell me the truth. No more lies. No more 'half truths.' Please.'

She had never heard him ever say please. And that got to her. A single tear turned into a trickle. Which eventually turned into a waterfall.

'I'm so sorry Cal,' she spoke between sobs.

He pulled her into his embrace and guided her over to the couch.

'Hey, shhh. I'm sorry too.'

That made her cry harder. _He_ was sorry? What had he possibly done to be sorry about?

It was about ten minutes before she had calmed down enough to speak. Another five before she had the courage to even open her mouth.

As she looked into his eyes, she saw all the things he usually hid from her. Love, compassion, desire. But also sadness. And hurt. She had hurt him. The man who spent so much of his time hiding from everyone and everything. Who seemed invincible. And there it was. His kryptonite. Her.

'Ok.'

She took a deep breath and continued.

'The truth. I promise you Cal, none of this was ever supposed to happen. I love you so much.'

He looked over at her and saw fear. Fear in what she was going to say, the words she was about to speak. A thousand thought ran through his mind. A thousand possibilities as to what could be wrong.

'I'm pregnant...'

She would remember that look of surprise on his face for the rest of her life. Jaw down, mouth open, eyebrows raised.

'Wha...I mean...oh my god.'

He jumped up pulling her up with him.

'I can't believe it. A child of our own.'

She had been hoping he would have let her finish her sentence, but clearly that hadn't happened.

'Cal, wait.'

She pulled back from his embrace.

'That's not all. I'm so sorry,' she swallowed, finding it hard to finish the sentence, 'It's not yours.'

Once again, the look of surprise. But this time he also had an indescribable look on his face. One of a broken man.

'What? You cheated on me? Whose is it? But...I mean...'

He was lost for words, which was another unusual occurrence.

'No. Nothing like that. I promise you Cal, I would never cheat on you.'

She pleaded with him, her eyes full of despair. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt the man before her. She continued.

'It's Alec's. But I'm two months pregnant. It happened before you and I got back together. When I found out I so desperately wanted it to be yours...'

He just looked at her; shoulders slumped, desperately trying to regain composure. It took him several minutes before he could speak. Several long, painful minutes of waiting for Gillian.

'We can get through this. Together. I know we can.'

They were the words she wanted to hear. But it was too late. She knew that being with him wouldn't be the right thing. She wanted her child to have stability in its life and while she knew Cal would love it like it was his own; he couldn't give her baby that. He was too unpredictable, neither here nor there. One minute he would be solving a case for the FBI, the next he would fly out somewhere and return home covered in bruises. He always did the right thing and called her, letting her know he was alright, that he still loved her, that he would be home soon. But to raise a child in a home like that? It wouldn't be right, not for her anyway. To do that, she would have to give up to the only thing she ever hung on to her entire life. That dream of the perfect family. And as much as part of her knew, life wasn't like that; she still wanted to cling on to the hope. Like a child on Christmas morning. So she broke his heart for a second time.

'I know we could. But we can't. Do you remember that story I told that client once? When I was talking about clinging onto hope and I mentioned I knew this person who had a dream of having the perfect family? And that she always told me that one day she would achieve it?'

He nodded.

'That was me Cal. Alec proposed and I said yes. And it may sound wrong, or twisted but I think Alec can give me that perfect life.'

He just nodded his head slowly avoiding eye contact.

'And you don't think I can?'

Those six words crushed the remnants of her heart. She closed her eyes and took a breath.

'One day you will be able to Cal. I know you will. But I want my child to have stability, and a predictable and boring life. The life I never had.'

She took a step forward and closed the gap between them. Leaning forward she placed her hands delicately on his cheeks and bought the side of his face to her lips. She whispered in his ear.

'I will always love you Cal Lightman.'

Taking a step back, she looked at him with the sweetest sadness in her eyes. He looked back at her with nothing in his.

And then she was gone and all that remained was the lingering smell of her perfume.


	20. She was in limbo

Hey guys. Ok so by this stage I hope you don't all hate me :( I know I haven't posted anything for months, especially relating to this story which is completely unfair. I'm so sorry. My computer got a virus so my parents banned me from doing anything I was doing when I got the virus. And guess which site I was on at the time? Naturally . So I've been a little scared myself to see if it was actually this site but good news, all is well again :) But i tested it out on the computer at work first just in case. LOL. So hopefully you will continue to read and review because I have missed this site, the people on it and their stories like CRAZY. oh yeah and i've even missed saying 'I don't own Lie to Me or any of the characters' :)

She was in limbo. When she walked out of her office exactly one week ago, she had said good bye to Cal and it had seemed final. But what she hadn't accounted for was what she was to do next. She hadn't formally quit the Lightman Group but she wasn't exactly working a regular schedule either. Did Cal even want her there? And would she be able to go back, even if she wanted to? Her thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing. She answered, expecting it to be Alec.

'Hello?'

'Gillian. It's me.'

She recognised that voice and it definitely wasn't Alec's.

'Cal?'

Was her mind playing some sick joke on her? Or was that really the man she had hurt so badly just a week ago?

'Yeah, it's me.'

No love. He hadn't called her love. But did she really expect him to, after what she had done to him? Her thought process was once again interrupted by the voice on the other end of the line.

'You still there? I just need to talk to you about the business briefly.'

She immediately felt disappointment. While she knew it could never be, she still secretly hoped he was going to come and sweep her off her feet. Tell her that he wasn't going to take no for the answer, that she couldn't marry Alec and that he was the only man for her. But that kind of stuff only ever happened in romance novels and this was reality. And sometimes reality just sucked.

'Yeah Cal, I am. Sorry. What did you want to discuss?'

'I want you to return to work. I know it may be awkward but we have too many clients and our reputation rests on both you and me. Without you working here we lose a significant amount of clients.'

'Is that the only reason you want me to come back to work?'

As soon as those words left her mouth she felt pathetic. And like an even worse person, if that was possible. How dare she ask him a question like that? But the damage had been done.

'Jesus Christ Gillian, what else do you want me to say?'

She felt the tears building but she held them in.

'Are you sure you want me to come back to work?'

She heard Cal sigh on the other end of the line. Could almost see him slouched on the bed, a glass of scotch in one hand. Half a bottle left on his bedside table.

'You're good for the firm. So yes.'

She had so many more questions. All of them likely to remain unanswered. But she knew now wasn't the time. She didn't want to push him any further.

'Ok, I'll see you on Monday then.'

She went to hang up the phone but stopped when she heard a voice continuing to speak on the other end of the line.

'Oh Gillian?'

She nervously placed the phone back up to her ear.

'Yes?'

'You and I will no longer be working on any cases together. Just to let you know. If you need any help just ask Loker.'

A single tear fell down her cheek.

'Ok.'

She heard the click as he put his receiver down.

_Two weeks later :_

She walked into the office bright and early Monday morning. It had been two weeks since she had resumed working at The Lightman Group. As much as she wanted to say that things had gotten better, less awkward, she knew she would be lying to herself. She thought back to the time her and Cal crossed paths in the foyer. He had glanced up to see who was approaching before immediately becoming fixated with the photos of the politicians' expressions on the wall when he saw it was her. He was about as subtle as a brick. She thought about saying hi, just anything to cut the tension. But she didn't even want to think about how he would respond to that. So she walked past him, as if she didn't have a care in the world. As if seeing him didn't break her heart further. She plonked down on the chair behind her desk and placed her hand on her stomach. She was beginning to show. She remembered looking in the mirror and realising that there was a tiny bump there where before there had been nothing. For a brief moment she had felt joy. Then she realised how complicated her life was and that feeling quickly passed. She shouldn't complain. Life was getting better. She had a wonderful job and a wonderful fiancé. They had planned a wonderful, if not small wedding, and had moved into a wonderful home. Everything was just, wonderful. Shame she couldn't actually convince herself of that.

He sat behind his desk, his back to the door, just staring out the window. The rain was making trails down his window and it all just felt like such a cliché. Him, unhappily staring out a window, as it rained. He couldn't bare it any further. He swivelled his chair back around, accepting the fact he should actually do work. That it wouldn't just do itself. Unfortunately. Just as pen touched paper, he heard a voice which made him jump.

'Cal?'

It was _her_. He knew he shouldn't call Gillian a 'her'. It was distancing language and he knew it. But he was past caring.

'I'm busy. What do you need?'

The word was on the tip of her tongue. That stupid word that made her get out of her chair and walk into his office. All she had to say was those 11 letters. Plead to him using her eyes. Forgiveness . All she wanted was forgiveness. But instead of that one word escaping her mouth something else did.

'Ow.'

Initially she had thought it was just a kick. Until the sensation turning into a burning, tearing pain. Pain that felt like it was ripping her in half. She heard someone call her name in the distance. Cal. She tried to call out to him but she was too far gone. Too far wrapped up in the pain. And as the blackness got bigger and the light grew smaller she tried to call for help again. But she was all alone.


	21. Functioning

Sorry this chapter's a bit short. But I've already finished writing the next so that will be up soon :) Don't own Lie to Me.

She heard voices talking in the background. She tried to focus on them, tried to call out that she needed help. When nothing came out, she tried focussing using one of her other senses. Bad idea. She felt a searing pain in her stomach again and tried to clutch at it. Still no movement. The voices around her seemed to be getting louder, more urgent. She heard someone say something about opening her eyes so she focussed all her strength on doing that. And finally she saw light. And blurred figures. And Alec. And... Cal? She could see him skulking in the corner. To anyone else it would have looked like he didn't care, didn't want to be there. But even in her condition she could see the pain in his face. The concern.

'Alec?'

Her throat felt like sandpaper and her voice sounded strangled.

'I'm here honey.'

She turned to face him.

'What...happened?'

It was still difficult to formulate words, let alone sentences.

And there it was, the look she had been dreading. He had tried to hide it. But he was an amateur when it came to lying. She knew that and he knew that. So he gripped her hand a little tighter. A comforting gesture. But that was the one thing she didn't want. Rolling over she tried to hide from the world. From Alec. _Go away_.

'Gill...'

She shut her eyes tighter.

'Ok, I'll be outside when you need me.'

_I won't need you._

Time passed. Minutes turned into hours, turned into days. And she lay there. She was discharged after two days. And she continued to lie there, on her bed, staring at the ceiling. Watching the shadows dance on the roof.

Four days later she was back at work. Just like that. Like nothing had happened. Like she hadn't just lost the single most important thing in her life. The only thing she had ever desired, wanted. Ached to have. And then she got the call. As if it could get any worse. Then there was the doctor's visit. The confirmation that she was physically fine. That he had some bad news. That she could never have another child. So Alec did what he did best, placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. And she did what she did best, shrugged off his arm and walked out.

Work continued. She had cases, she did paperwork. She functioned.

Cal still hadn't spoken to her. But she had seen his looks. And she took comfort in them. They had gone from everything, to nothing, to something. She didn't know what it was but she knew it was the only thing getting her through.

It was on that day, four days from the worst news of her life that she decided it was time to speak again. She tentatively knocked on his door. He looked up, their eyes locked. One of those 'pivotal' moments they always talk about in the movies. She waited hoping he was going to make the decision she wanted him to. And when he looked away, she simply walked away.


	22. Don't push it

I didn't quite realise _just_ how much i had missed fanfiction. LOL. thank so much to all of you who review and make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside :) And if Cal was here with me now I would be arguing how I didn't need scotch to get that warm fuzzy feeling. haha.

No tiene mentir a mí. That means don't own Lie to Me in spanish. I think...

Note: if that actually doesn't mean what i think it means and in fact it means something really really bad could someone let me know? mmk thanks :)

Life was getting back to normal. _Normal_. There was that word again. Nothing felt normal but she knew she had to pretend it was. So she apologised for shutting out Alec and realised that she still had something left. Him. While she may not have her dream life, she still had a man who loved her. And so they got married. Just a small ceremony. Her brother and his parents and sister. She had worn a simple white gown. Carried a bouquet of red roses. Promised her heart and soul to the man standing across from her. And then they were Mr and Mrs Foster.

She had to admit she liked married life. It just felt so right to her. Waking up next to her husband every morning, going to work, returning home and having dinner with him. Curling up on the couch to watch some TV. It was the routine and monotony that she had always desired as a child.

Even work had improved. Slightly. She felt she was getting back into the swing of things. Solving cases, helping people. Doing all of the things she had aimed to do when she had formed the Lightman Group with Cal. While he still refused to talk to her, she had just grown to accept it. And she had moved on.

And then it happened.

'Gillian?'

The voice seemed so distant to her. Like she was recalling a memory. She hadn't heard him speak her name in months. It seemed so bizarre, yet so familiar.

She looked up, just to confirm it was actually him.

'Yes?'

He was struggling with what to say, she could see it in his eyes.

'You never really took any time off from work after...the accident. Do you need time off?'

It had been three weeks since the 'accident' as he had called it. And she had pushed it to the back of her mind. As far as it would go.

'No. I'm fine. Thanks.'

He took a step into her office and closed the door behind him.

'Are you sure? You're the psychologist. You know you should have the proper time to...grieve.'

She took a sharp intake of breathe. He saw it.

'I'm fine Cal, seriously.'

'I'm not sure you are Gillian.'

She was beginning to get angry now. What right did he have, after so much time had passed, to pretend to care?

'Don't push it Cal.'

She knew he had picked up on her underlying tone. But being himself, he kept pushing.

'Gillian...'

'They don't think I'll ever be able to carry a baby to full term.'

It had just slipped out. She hadn't meant it to. She had meant to keep her mouth shut, hold her ground. Don't let him wear her down. _Fail._ She bit her lip trying to stop herself from crying. The only other thing she could hold onto was the fact she wasn't crying.

But then she felt a single tear roll down her cheek.

'Gill...'

'NO,' she screamed, 'NO.'

She hadn't meant to yell. She had meant to politely tell him to walk away. But once again, she had let her emotions control her.

'Gill, Gill it will be ok.'

And that comment, that comment just pissed her off.

'What the hell Cal?' she screamed, 'How the hell will this ever be ok?'

He walked to her, wrapping his arms around her. She squirmed away, breaking his grip.

She looked at him squarely in the eyes.

'Don't touch me.'

It was the venom in her voice that sent him reeling backwards.

'Gill. Please. I want to look after you.'

'What? What, after all this time? After you just ignored me for weeks? Even after the 'accident', as you called it, you still didn't care. Well now I don't want you anywhere near me.'

With that she walked out the door, not even turning to glance back.


	23. Alec's idea

This chapter is a bit sappy :) Some Gillian and Alec happiness for once :)

Don't own Lie to Me

It had been Alec's idea. He had been quiet for the entirety of their meal and she knew something was up instantly. He was usually so talkative over dinner, explaining to her how his day had been, the people he had met. But he just sat there in silence, occasionally glancing up at her and then looking away when she caught his eye.

By dessert, she couldn't take it anymore.

'What have you done?'

Alec looked up in surprise.

'What? Nothing.'

She gave him her 'so not impressed' glare.

'Yeah right. You haven't spoken two words the whole night. Out with it.'

He stood up and began to walk out of the room. Just as she was about to protest he stopped at the desk which was positioned against the wall in their living room. Opening the draw he pulled out a pile of papers.

'Please don't be mad at me.'

Handing them to her, he looked confused as to what to do next.

She curiously opened the file, not sure whether or not she wanted to see the contents. What was inside was far from what she had expected.

_Adoption papers._

'I...I don't understand.'

She felt the couch creak as Alec sat next to her. Tilting her face so that was looking at him, she saw the love in his eyes.

'It's simple really. I love you. And I know you want nothing more than to be a mother. And I want nothing more than to be a father. So yeah, we can't do it the way we wanted. But what we can do is give a home to a beautiful child who needs one. We can have someone to love and care for. Just you and I. And our baby.'

He nervously stood up once he had finished his mini speech.

She didn't know what to say. She wanted to be angry at him, furious for even considering the idea. For going behind her back. For not including her. But something stopped her. As she looked at her husband she realised that this may be the only chance at having what she had always desired in a family. A husband and a child.

'Ok.'

They had spent weeks filling out forms, speaking to social workers, having their home study. The completion of one more process was another step forward. Another step closer. Exactly 2 months and 24 days had passed when she got the call.

'Mrs Foster?'

'Yes?'

'We've found you a child.'

They had told no one what they were doing. In case it never happened. In case they had to suffer more heartache. She told herself she didn't want to have to go through the embarrassment again, see the pity in their eyes. But she knew the real reason she hadn't told anyone else was because she was scared she would jinx it. As naive as that seemed. She didn't want to get her hopes up, to tell everyone that she was finally going to get what she had always wanted, only to be made to look like a fool. So she had waited. And then she got the call. And it was suddenly real.

She paced nervously at the door, wiping an invisible speck of dust off the table next to her. Smoothing out the invisible crinkles in her dress. Part of the adoption process was meeting the child before any other formalities were made. And this was the day. When she heard the knock at the door, she jumped, even though she had been expecting it for the past 15 minutes. Grabbing hold of Alec's hand she opened the door and smiled politely at the social worker in front of her. As her eyes travelled to the child in her arms, she couldn't help but gasp. They had said the child was a girl but she was _beautiful_. She had big blue eyes and the beginnings of curly blonde hair. The child gurgled as she was placed into Gillian's arms.

'What is her name?'

The social worker looked up.

'Sophie. But if you wish to, her name can be legally changed.'

_Sophie._

'No, no. That name is perfect.'

Sophie gurgled again as Gillian bounced her on her hip. She felt Alec place his arm around her. And they were a family.


	24. Butterflies

Don't own Lie to Me.

The final stages had been formalised. There was just a week left before Sophie was theirs. Gillian couldn't wipe the smile off her face. Everything was perfect. _Almost_. She still hadn't talked to Cal after she had screamed at him. Well they had talked, but just the formalities. Hi. How's the case? Nothing personal. But she was tired of it. Tired of being annoyed and angry at him. It took up so much of her time at work. Remembering she wasn't supposed to be talking to him. And it was getting to the stage of being ridiculous.

Cal was tired. Tired of work. Tired of home. And tired of being angry at Gillian. He wasn't the type of man to have many friends. He had more, _companions_. But Gillian had always been the one person he could talk to, confide in. She had been his friend. And it was tiring being alone.

Her mind had been made up. She was going to talk to him.

His mind had been made up. He was going to talk to her.

She walked towards the door, pulling it open as she attempted to make the trip to Cal's office. _Attempted._ Something was blocking her and it seemed to be Cal shaped.

'Cal. Oh hi. What are you doing here?'

He cleared his throat. He had always been the one to rush into things and not think about it first. Which was probably why he had no response to such a simple question.

'Um...well I just wanted to...well, to talk to you.'

She figured he was here because he had been forced against his will in some way. But the fact that he was here on his own free will? That made her very happy.

'Where were you going?'

Damn. She hoped he wouldn't ask that question.

'Well...to go see you.'

'Oh.'

It was awkward. The current situation. The current conversation. But she was determined to get past it.

'Want to come into my office?'

He smiled a half smile.

'Sure.'

She sat behind her desk. He sat in front of it. It was stupid and formal. They both knew it.

'Let's sit on the couch.'

She grabbed his arm and pulled him over to it. She felt him flinch at her touch and she pretended not to notice. He pretended it didn't happen.

They both sat in silence for a few moments, before Gillian decided to speak.

Unfortunately Cal chose to speak at that same moment.

'I'm sorr...'

'Gillian, so...'

They both stopped. Gillian nervously giggled. Cal took a deep breath. Gillian knew she should speak first.

'I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I did to you. For all the selfish actions I made. And even now, as I speak, I know I'm doing this for selfish reasons. Because I miss you. I miss you as a friend and I miss you in my life. And I know you shouldn't care. And you probably don't. Which I completely understand...'

Cal mumbled something and looked away.

'What?'

'I said I do care.'

'You don't realise how happy that makes me. Because I know that we can never go back. There's no point. Things change, people change. The situation changes. But I'm hoping we can go forward, so to speak. I know you probably don't want to be my 'friend' in the usual sense of the word. But I'm hoping that at least we can be acquaintances or something...ok this isn't coming out how I wanted it. So please, if you have anything to say, put me out of my misery.'

He chose to say nothing at first. Simply tilted his head to the side to study her. To anyone else, it would have been a sign that he didn't care what they had to say. But she knew he was thinking, trying to gauge her emotions. And for once she let him read her. He rubbed his hand across his face before deciding to speak.

'I wanted to hate you. So very much. I'm good at holding grudges usually. If I don't like someone there's very little they can do to change that. But you...you're a fucking mystery to me. And it pisses me off. Because as much as I try to hate you. To cut you out of my life, I just can't seem to be able to do that.'

He paused and she watched as he clenched his fist and released it. She wanted to reach out and touch him but was scared. Scared of his reaction, scared of what he would say, what he would do. And scared that she wouldn't just be able to touch him, but would have to wrap her arms around him. And that probably wouldn't end well.

She focussed back in when he began to speak again.

'I think...I think too much has passed between us. Too much has gone right and wrong...for us to not try and be...friends. Or something.'

He was struggling and she could see it.

'What I mean is. I want us to still be friends. I know we can't change the past. But the truth is... I miss you. I miss your friendship. I miss your insistent efforts in trying to make me eat sugar. I miss your smile. I miss Gillian Ander... Gillian Foster. My best friend.'

She was speechless. All she was hoping for was an agreement of some kind. To try and act civil with one another. To be friends, in some capacity. And instead she got a confession which made her want to cry. Made her want to throw her arms around him and not let go. Just in case he decided to take it all back.

Instead she smiled and he smiled back. He stood up and turned to walk out of her office but before he could make it past the threshold, he turned back, leant down and planted a soft kiss on her cheek.

As he walked away she was surprised to find he still gave her butterflies.


	25. Sorry

hey everyone. sorry this took a bit longer but i kept putting it off cos i literally didn't want to write it. LOL. problem is we all know what's going to happen so please read on and enjoy as much as you can. thanks to all of you who continue to read and review. i love you for it :)

don't own Lie to Me.

**Day 1:**

As the social worker waved goodbye, Gillian couldn't wipe the smile off her face. Sophie was theirs. For good. She turned to face Alec as he wrapped his arms around their family. Her family.

**Day 5:**

She couldn't deny it was hard. Sophie would cry continually. Gillian felt like she hadn't had sleep in weeks even though it had only been a few days. Her work was beginning to suffer. She first realised that when she fell asleep on top of her paperwork and only woke up when she heard Loker asking Cal whether it would be incredibly immature of him to draw a giant 'L' on her forehead.

But it was all worth it to see Sophie's sweet face.

**Day 15:**

It still never ceased to amaze her that after two weeks, something as simple as bathing her, or getting her dressed could make Gillian so happy. She heard the happy gurgling noise Sophie made as she lowered her into the luke warm water and it gave her a happy tingling sensation throughout her entire body.

This was what she was meant to be. A mother.

**Day 30:**

She still had doubts. Still would wake up worried. What would happen if they took Sophie back? If the birth parents decided they now wanted her? She would still wake up at night, sitting up suddenly, drenched in sweat, her breathing coming out ragged and shallow. And every time Alec would sit up next to her, place an arm on her shoulder, a kiss on her cheek. Murmur how everything was fine, amazing in fact. And how nobody could take their happiness away. Their little ray of sunshine.

And she would relax and fall back to sleep.

**Day 45:**

She had decided that morning that she wanted to take Sophie into work. Alec had been a little concerned at first. But Gillian had been persistent.

As she pushed the pram through the doors of The Lightman Group, should could already hear the cooing from the rest of the staff. Loker just looked at Sophie strangely, like she was a foreign object.

'So let me get this straight. You all think it's adorable and all it does is sleep and poop all day? If I did that I would be considered a lazy slob.'

Cal had a funny look on his face. Something she couldn't quite put in words. But she felt her expression morph into his as she passed Sophie to him to hold. Slight jealousy. Some regret. But also a look of _what if_. _What if_ things had been different?

**Day 55:**

It was the weekend and they had taken Sophie on her first picnic. The day was perfect. The sun was shining, there was a slight breeze and for once Gillian realised she had _it_. Has what she had been looking for after all these years. Alec's voice drew her out of her thoughts as she turned to smile for the camera.

The framed picture took pride of place on their mantelpiece. Mother and daughter.

**Day 57:**

They were nearly there. All she had to do was wait three more days before Sophie was theirs forever. Not that she had any doubts now. After 57 days why would the birth mother decide to take her child back? But Gillian knew she had to wait the full 60 before she could breathe any sigh of relief.

The knock at the door came as a surprise. They weren't expecting anyone.

She felt her chest tighten as she opened the door and forced herself to breathe. The social worker. She tried to convince herself that it was probably just a routine check up. That nothing was wrong.

'Mrs Foster? Is your husband here as well?'

_Routine check up. Routine check up. Routine check up._

'I'll just grab him.'

She heard her voice as she called out for Alec. To anyone else it would have sounded normal. But _she_ could hear the fear in it.

'I'm so sorry.'

Those words meant nothing. They rarely did. And in this case it was even worse. She didn't want the social worker's pity. She didn't want her to feel bad for them. She wanted justice. And fairness. She wanted her child, _her child_. The once she had raised for 57 days. The one who she had dressed and fed and bathed. The one who she had gotten up for at 2am to rock to sleep.

Life was a bitch.

She couldn't cry as they carried her Sophie away. She tried to feel something. But everything was just..._numb_. She bit her lip and took a breath. She tried to lift her hand, to take Alec's in hers, but she just didn't have the strength. After the social worker had left, had taken her heart and soul away, she just sat there for 15 minutes, trying to remember how to breathe. When she thought she had that fundamental concept under control she turned to find Alec.

He was gone.

The drugs started then. The erratic mood swings. The late nights. The lies. The constant lies. They came at her so thick and fast she couldn't even tell the difference between the truth and what Alec was telling her. So she had stopped trying. She took what he was saying as the truth because it was easier. Less work. Less energy.

She hadn't returned to work in two weeks. Cal kept calling her house, asking if she was ok. She put on a _pathetic_ nasally voice. Told him she had the severe flu. Not to come over and see her because it was highly contagious. He had tried of course, but she had refused to answer the door. When he called her, asking why she hadn't come to the door, she told him she had been sleeping. Which was partially true.

More like staring at the ceiling for hours on end.

After 16 days she figured she should probably be the responsible adult and do her job. Continue to function and go to work. Alec's lies had gotten worse. Sometimes he didn't return home at night. Every morning when he returned he would kiss her lifeless cheek and make up some pathetic excuse about how he had to 'work late' or he had to make 'a conference call'. And every lie she just chose to accept as the truth. It was easier that way.

So on day 16 she got dressed, brushed her hair and placed some makeup on to _try_ to give the illusion that she was ok. She walked into her office and everything was exactly the way she had left it. Like nothing had changed. She saw Cal walk past and look in, but he just kept walking. She looked up a second time when she heard his voice.

'Gill?'

She attempted to smile at him.

'Oh hey Cal.'

'So you're feeling better then?'

'Much.'

_Lies._

Her world was surrounded by lies.


	26. She couldn't possibly have both

So I know that I haven't updated this in like, well pretty much forever. And that most people would probably have forgotten the entire story but I just felt like I owed it to everyone, and to myself, to finish it. So here's the final chapter :)

Don't own Lie to Me. I never did.

He was sick of her lies. She said she wanted to be friends again. And last time he checked friends told each other things.

'Ok, well now you've finished that lie how about telling me the truth?'

She looked up at him and he noticed how tired she looked. There were deep bags under her eyes and something else was missing. _That sparkle_. That sparkle her eyes usually had.

Whatever had happened was much bigger than the flu.

She slowly stood up and walked over to him.

'I'm fine.'

'Liar. Tell me.'

She continued to answer him in a monotone. She didn't even have the energy to _try _and make her latest lie sound convincing.

He thought changing the topic might give him a greater clue as to what was going on.

'So how's Sophie?'

That. That right there. That hit a nerve.

'What happened? Has something happened?'

He could see her eyes begin to water and she bit her lip. Pain transfer. If she could cause enough pain by biting her lip, it would take her mind off crying.

'Darling, that won't work with me. You know I'll keep pushing.'

As soon as he uttered the word darling, he saw her composure change. She began to slouch and he knew in that instant what had happened.

'SHE TOOK HER AWAY. SHE TOOK MY BABY AWAY.'

He heard a voice screaming. He saw Gillian's lips moves. But it didn't seem real. Time seemed to have stopped. He saw her crumble to the ground, crying hysterically. He saw her entire body heave. He saw the tears pour down her cheeks.

And he didn't even have to think. Even consider his response. He launched himself to the ground and threw his arms around her.

They sat like that for what seemed like hours. He was scared to let her go. Scared that she wouldn't have the strength to stand, or even to continue to breathe. So he held her. Moulded his body so it fit hers perfectly. And they just sat there.

Days passed. Weeks passed. The topic of Sophie wasn't mentioned again and neither was her break down in her office. She pretended to be fine and after a while she even began to convince herself.

Convinced herself that every time Alec came home late it was because he was working so hard, working to rebuild their family.

Convinced herself that she was fine with her life. That she should be happy. She had a wonderful job, a fantastic best friend, a husband.

Convinced herself that she didn't need a child to make her life whole.

She bought it, but Cal didn't. However, the line remained firmly in place, as did those questions Cal wanted so badly to ask.

_Why the hell are you settling for second best?_

'Did the school principal seem tense to you?'

Gillian settled in the chair across from Cal's desk, slushy in hand.

'Wouldn't you be, if this happened at your school?'

Cal spoke as he swung in his chair.

'Well, he had his left hand in his pants pocket, pressed against his leg the whole time.'

Gillian shook her head slightly.

'We're not all hiding something.'

'Okay.'

He gave her that look. That look that meant he was humouring her.

'You think I'm naive just because I don't share your twisted view of the world.'

'That and you read romance novels.'

Gillian began to smile.

'Yes, I do. Because they make me happy. A pursuit I highly recommend to you.'

He continued to swing in his chair, evaluating the statement.

'Truth or happiness, never both.'

It wasn't until Gillian was lying in bed that night, alone, the pillow next to her cold, that she realised the truth in that statement.

She couldn't possibly have both.


End file.
